RPG REVIEW

Issue #56, Aug 2024

ISSN   2206-4907 (Online)

FREEDOM!

Freedom Characters … Blades in the Dark ... Skill System for D&D B/X … Cephalod Blues … The Europa Sanctuary … Dark Sun: Freedom … Now A Goddess … Spooky Movie Reviews

Table of Contents

ADMINISTRIVIA 2

EDITORIAL AND COOPERATIVE NEWS 2

WILD, REBELLIOUS AND FREE 7

FREEDOM IN THE DARK 13

SKILLS FOR B/X D&D 21

AD&D DARK SUN: FREEDOM REVIEW 23

SUBTERRANEAN CEPHALOPOD BLUES 25

THE EUROPA SANCTUARY: AN ECLIPSE PHASE SCENARIO 33

NOW A GODDESS (PART I) 46

SPOOKY MOVIE REVIEWS OF 2023 59

ADMINISTRIVIA

RPG Review is an irregular online magazine which is available in print version every so often (e.g., Issues 40 and 44 for RuneQuest Glorantha Con Down Under). All material remains copyright to the authors except for the reprinting as noted in the first sentence. Contact the author for the relevant license that they wish to apply. Various trademarks and images have been used in this magazine of review and criticism. Use of trademarks etc are for fair use and review purposes and are not a challenge to trademarks or copyrights. This includes Eclipse Phase by Transhuman Studios, Dungeons & Dragons by TSR/WotC, Blades in the Dark by Evil Hat Productions. Cover art Four Freedoms by Norm Rockwell.

EDITORIAL AND COOPERATIVE NEWS


Welcome to another issue of RPG Review, now into its 16th year. Our publishing timetable has obviously changed over this time – from the onerous quarterly publication to the “we will put something out when we have enough content”. It turns out that getting enough content is not easy! In any case, here we are with the topic of “Freedom” for this issue, that is, like our early issues, a brief return to idea of a topic-free issue.

As a result, we have a bit of a mixed bag. Karl Brown stayed very much on topic with freedom-based characters for multiple game systems that can be plugged into any system. Tim Rice has also followed the theme with a take on system-freedom with a set of modifications for Blades in the Dark. As an experimental essay-poem Ruby Constance provides “Subterranean Cephalod Blues”, which your editor has provided an interpretation for the Eclipse Phase setting and system on a potential sanctuary. Plus, because one article is clearly not enough for me, a review of Dark Sun’s “Freedom” is also provided. James Bobb provides freedom of sort for D&D B/X players with an easy to apply skill system, which is really quite beautiful and elegant in its simplicity and scope. Following what is a bit of a record for quasi-prose contributions, Owen Wylde has some notes from a Rolemaster campaign (with stats for items!) “Now a Goddess”, the story of one character’s development to apotheosis – over the next several issues expect more on this remarkable journey. Finally, we have capsule reviews of several movies under the title of “Spooky Movie Reviews” by Garote capturing the previous year and appropriate for the month of October.

Special mention must be made that Ruby, Owen, James, and Garote are all new contributors! Welcome to strange and wonderful world of RPG Review, probably now one of the longest running RPG ‘zines in the history of the hobby. Whilst I doubt we will ever catch up with Lee Gold’s Alarums and Excursions (first issue June 1975), one does not have to be the brightest crayon in the box, as long as you’re in the box!


I will make mention of the cover art piece, “Four Freedoms” by Norman Rockwell. The four freedoms (freedom of speech, freedom of worship, freedom from want, freedom from fear) are derived from U.S. President’s Franklin D. Roosevelt’s State of the Union speech in 1941. Two matters are of particular note here; firstly, Roosevelt had the courage to speak about “freedom” in a period not exactly known for its freedom of any sort. It would have been very easy to argue for a more authoritarian approach to the world whilst it was so engulfed with a level of violence never seen in prior history. Secondly, Roosevelt included both “negative” and “positive” freedom, freedom of (speech, worship) and freedom from (want, fear). It is a remarkable and frankly disappointing to a political and historical observer that the word “freedom” now primarily conjures up only negative liberties, rather than the enabling positive freedoms. The freedom to have education, healthcare, housing, to live in a safe and secure environment, etc. perhaps do not always make the best roleplaying scenarios with their inbuilt dominant narrative of conflict and desperate situations. But for the reality of a less dramatic life, “freedom” is often found in peace and contentment.


Finally, being especially brave in our publication schedule, the next issue of RPG Review is planned for December 2024 for fifty years of Dungeons & Dragons and given the importance of that game to the hobby as a whole, this will be a double issue at 128 pages of glorious D&D content. This will be an excellent issue, I am sure, given the great scope of content and history that is available. I urge early contributions!



Lev Lafayette
lev@rpgreview.net




Annual General Meeting for The RPG Review Cooperative, Inc.



Committee Report for 2023



The RPG Review Cooperative held its founding meeting in December 2015, and was subsequently incorporated by the State of Victoria on January 7th, 2016. The following is a review of our seventh year of activities. All activities have been in strict accordance with our objectives. The committee members for 2023 were Lev Lafayette (President), Tim Rice (Vice-President), Andrew Daborn (Secretary), Michael Cole (Treasurer), Elizabeth Bowman and Karl Brown (ordinary members).



In the past year, we have published only one issues of the RPG Review journal (Issue 55), which was added to the National Library of Australia. The RPG Review website received 34,396 unique visitors in 2023, an increase of 98% and radically reversing a trend of previous years. Top downloads for RPG Review being Issue 21 (Computers and Roleplaying, September 2013) receiving 1214 downloads and issue 26 receiving 845. The article "A History of Dungeons & Dragons" from issue 25 received 1558. As a very substantial change, the RPG Review journal moved from a quarterly publication to an irregular publication.



The Cooperative's Library consists of 773 gaming publications, 115 gaming magazines, and 3 fiction books. We also continue to provide various IT support mechanisms (github, mailman mailing lists etc) with hosting donated from one of our members. For game authors, we also offer discount ISBNs which we gain an advantage from bulk purchasing.



Membership has increased to 19; an increase of almost 60% on the previous year with three new life members. The Cooperative has continued with online store for members to sell their second-hand or new games to the public, which included a very successful stall and presence at Conquest. The Coooperative has achieved a good financial surplus for the year with online and physical sales of "Papers & Paychecks" and its supplement continuing to help.



It must also be mentioned that the Cooperative has a new logo; a dice-based representation of the Southern Cross, combining both our interest and location.



This was a year of some revival for the Cooperative. The Cooperative returned to the convention circuit and will continue to participate in future conventions, with the upcoming Conquest and Chaosium conventions, and the planned Conquest Traders Market. We should see further expansion in our activities in the year to come.



Draft Financial Statement for 2023



2023 Profit and Loss Statement (Statement of Movement)

Income

Membership 250 2 life members, 5 renewals

Stock Sales 60

ISBN Sales 15

PDF Sales 77.12

Advertising 20.67 Google Adsense

Subtotal 429.79

Expenses

Registration 60.10 Incorporation fees

Conferences 150 Conquest

Subtotal 210.10

Surplus 219.69



2023 Balance Sheet (Statement of Position)

Assets

Bank 6447.92

RPG Review 425 (Issues 40 and 44, c85 copies)

Library 16264 (Estimated value from 773 games, 115 magazines, 3 fiction books)

Stock 5000 (Estimated at 500 PnP and Cow's in stock)

Subtotal 28136.92

Liabilities

Nil.

Capital 28136.92

Note: Bank balance includes RuneQuest Glorantha Con Trust of $3915.39



Other Cooperative News



Artificial Intelligence and Publications for the RPG Review Cooperative



The RPG Review Cooperative is fortunate to have some very clever people on its committee who are both extremely aware of technological trajectories and have thought quite hard about authorship rights. Points raised during the discussion for consideration.

AI has become a divisive issue in the RPG community with some refusing to support organisations that use it to produce content, some advocating for its use, and others calling for a more nuanced approach.

Use of AI is not a yes/no proposition as AI can be used to assist an author or artist in their own creative process.

Labelling was discussed including treating AI as a co-author in credits or even estimating a % contribution from AI.

Our overall conclusion is that:




We recognise that this is a dynamic area of discussion and our position will be subject to its own evolution over time.



RPG Reliquary


Members of the RPG Review Cooperative, Inc., receive a 15% discount on purchases from the online game store RPG Reliquary.

https://rpgreliquary.com/



Chaosium Con Australia


RPG Review Cooperative committee member Karl Brown ran a BRP-based post-apocalypse scenario, “Down Under After”, at Chaosium Con on June 8th-9th at the Moonee Valley Racing Club.

The RPG Review Cooperative is already in correspondence with Chaosium about the contribution that we can make to the next Chaosium Con, noting that we hold almost $4000 in trust for the purpose of promoting Glorantha and RuneQuest in Australian conventions.

Conquest Games Day


RPG Review members had "a few" games for sale that Conquest Games Market; Saturday the 31st of August, 2024 10am to 5pm, Coburg Town Hall, 90 Bell Street, Coburg. We had five sellers with over three hundred items sold.


PAX Australia



RPG Review Cooperative committee member Karl Brown ran Gulliver’s Trading Company at PAX Australia at the Melbourne Convention Centre on October 11.






WILD, REBELLIOUS AND FREE

by Karl Brown



Freedom themed pregenerated characters.

This is another collection of pregenerated characters for various RPGs. All of the characters are somehow connected to the theme of freedom. They could be rebels, wild animals, escaped slaves, or connected to the theme of freedom in another way. They are preceded by a commentary on the theme of ‘freedom’. These variously discuss freedom to design characters, political commentary built into the game, or something else in line with the theme.


J ason ‘Shark Bait’ Smith

Basic Roleplaying (Chaosium), Down Under After (Karl David Brown)

Jason was born in the chaos of The Collapse a few years before the Reaper pandemic. His father survived the Reaper but struggled to control the spirited young boy. Like many of the Feral Generation Jason is illiterate and uneducated. As Jason grew, trucks bringing food to Portsea became increasingly scarce. When he was nine the power grid went dark for the last time. When he was 13, Portsea’s last solar generator failed and the internet bringing news of the rest of the world vanished. Folks had to learn to forage their own food. Jason’s hours away from schooling did free up time for fishing, especially spear fishing. As the years rolled on, farmland was reclaimed by young forests and roads disappeared below waving grasses. Jason grew into a fisher bartering his catches for garden vegetables, emu and kangaroo meat, and perhaps a little too much home brewed mead. Now 25, Jason shirks his responsibilities leaving him free to dive during the days and party at night.


Basic Roleplaying (BRP) has a new edition released in 2023 that is under the ORC license giving designers the freedom to cut and paste text right out of BRP. Chaosium encourages the community to hack BRP to create their own games. I am doing just that with my game in development Down Under After (DUA). DUA is set in Melbourne about 35 years from now after a gradual collapse of international relations and the technological society it supports. Like Chaosium’s own BRP games such as Call of Cthulhu and Pendragon, DUA modifies the BRP rules to reflect the setting and the desired play-experience. However, Jason makes minimal use of those changes and could be used in almost any BRP game.


Concept/Tags: Fit impulsive human spear-fisher. Hunter, squatter, youthful, alert, uneducated, freediver, athletic, slouches.

Species: Feral human. Handed: Right. Gender: Gay Man. Wealth: Poor. Height: 174 cm. Weight: 85 kg. MOV 10. Age: 25. Hair Salty blonde dreadlocks, Eyes Green

Community: Portsea Camp. Population: 5 Survivors and 25 ferals. Language: English. Fresh water from the Portsea Lagoon is boiled for drinking and the population lives in the houses nearest the ‘lagoon’. The people hunt, fish, and maintain small vegetable gardens. In their spare time they enjoy athletic races especially swimming and reading old books. The camp is ruled only by the respect people have for the five old survivors who are now family matriarchs and patriarchs. There is little crime due mostly to community spirit. Raiders and trouble rarely find the isolated community but when they do the young Ferals are quite fit and skilled with the spear.

Contact: Father (Spear and Swim skills)

Reputation: 17 (Swims like a fish, party animal)

Advantages: Freediver (see below)

Passions: My friends (80), The local sea (60), Father (60), Hedonism (60).

Characteristics

STR 12, CON 14, SIZ 11, INT 11, WIL 12, AGL* 10, DEX 10, CHA 9, EDU 6.

*DUA splits the BRP characteristic of DEX into AGL and DEX both are the same for Jason so you can just ignore this deviation from standard BRP. WIL replaces BRP’s POW.

Derived Characteristics: Effort 60%. Stamina 70%. Damage Modifier: none. Aura 11. Idea 55%. Resist 60%. Agility 50%. Combat Rank 11*. Advantage Rank 11^, Manipulation 50%. Charm 45%. Knowledge 30%. Experience Bonus 6.

*Replaces DEX Rank in DUA. Use DEX in other BRP games.

^ Replaces INT Rank in DUA. Use INT in other BRP games.

Skills Bonuses: Communication 2, Manipulation 1, Mental 0, Perception 4, Physical 2, Weapons 1*.

*DUA splits weapon skills out of Physical into their own category.

Skills: Animal Handling (any) 7, Bargain 17, Command 7, Disguise 3, Etiquette 7, Fast Talk 7, Language (English) 76, Language (Ratlish) 38*, Perform (any) 7, Persuade 27, Status 17, Teach 12, Art (any) 6, Craft (any) 6, Demolition 2, Fine Manipulation 6, Heavy Machine 2, Repair 16, Sleight of Hand 6, Appraise 15, First Aid (any species) 30, Gaming 23, Knowledge (Naarm Region) 5, Knowledge (Portsea Camp) 30, Knowledge (any other) 5 or 0, Medicine (any species) 5, Meditation 5, Science (any) 1, Technical (any) 5, Freediver 50, Throw 26, Spear 50, Insight 9, Listen 29, Navigate 14, Research 29, Sense 14, Spot 39, Track 14, Brawl 32, Climb 42, Dodge 37, Drive (any) 3, Grapple 32, Hide 27, Jump 27, Pilot (any) 3, Ride (any) 7, Stealth 22, Swim 100.

*Ratlish is English adapted to the vocal chords of rats. Just ignore this language in other settings.

Weapons

Skill

Damage

Attacks

Special

Range

Hands

HP

Parry

STR/DEX

Small Knife

26

1d4

1

Impale

Short

1H

7

No

2/5

Gidgee Melee

60

1d4+1

1

Implale

Long

1H

10

Yes

6/10

Gidgee Missile

55

1d6+1

1

Impale

3 m

1H

10

Yes

5/11

Bite

32

1d3-1

1

Bleeding

Short

 

 

No

 

Fist

32

1d3+1d4

1

Crushing

Short

!H

 

No

 

Grapple

32

Special

1

entangle

Short

2H

 

No

 

Headbutt

32

1d3+1d4

1

Crushing

Short

 

 

No

 

Kick

32

d3+1d4

1

Crushing

Short

 

 

No

 

Maximum Hit Points 13, Major Wound 7, Healing Rate 4. Fatigue 26.

Armour: None or wetsuit. AV 0 or 2. In the water with mask and flippers the wetsuit makes swim rolls one grade easier but perception category skills one grade harder.

Resilience 16, Major Stress 6. Resilience is a new mechanic for DUA. When using Jason in other BRP games his Free Diver Advantage uses Power Points.

Typical everyday clothing: Just board shorts, maybe a hoodie in cold weather.

Typical adventuring clothing: Add an old pair of sneakers and a backpack. In the water instead add diving mask, wet-suit, flippers and a mesh diver’s bag.

Dwelling: Party house shared with friends furnished with old broken furniture and milk crates.

Equipment on person: 4kg of food. Bone fish-hook amulet given to me by my father.

Equipment at home: 10kg of food.

Free Diver (human or rat only)

Minor Advantage: 240 character points.

Activation: One minute (see below).

Range: self.

Duration: Variable.

Stress caused: 1 (see below).

Skill?: Yes (see below).

Humans with this advantage typically hunt in the sea. When you must roll Stamina to hold your breath roll you may roll against your Free Diver skill instead at a cost of 1 stress. The base chance for Free Diver skill is (5 x CON) + WIL if you have this advantage. You can use this skill instead of Stamina even if you do not get a minute to prepare. When given a minute to prepare you can roll against freediver skill and replace the breath hold progression with the one below at a cost of 1 stress.

Free Diver Breath Hold

Time

Rounds

Free Diver Roll Difficulty Grade

12 s to 1 min

1 to 5

Easy

1 min 12 s to 1min 48 s

6 to 9

Average

2 min to 2 min 48 s

10 to 14

Difficult

3 min+

15+

Demanding

Additionally, if underwater and remaining still or moving at MOV 3 or less or performing slow non-strenuous movements less the difficulty grade is one easier. Physical exertion makes the difficulty grade one harder as usual.

Like other advantages, recreational use of Free Diver costs no stress. In fact, in many ways it’s like meditation. If you are living in a non-stressful situation near clear water at least 3 meters deep then you can use Free Diver to heal stress as described for the Meditation skill.


Aerd the Wild

Race Design for D&D 5th Edition. Creating New PC Species

Aerd is Elvish for bear. Aerd was just a normal black bear until a high elf druid cast the Awaken spell on her. Under the charming effect of that spell Aerd accompanied the druid on an adventure into the dungeon of an evil wizard. As soon as the charm from the magic wore off Aerd decided that the adventuring life of fighting dangerous monstrosities in dark tunnels deep underground had no appeal. In fact, she felt disgruntled that her simple animal existence had been taken from her. She returned to the forest to try to live as close to a normal bear life as she could manage. However, a threat to the forest or Beenvel, the gnome who befriended her during her adventure might rouse Aerd to adventure once more.


D&D 5th Edition is the most played RPG in the world. However, this latest edition lacks the diversity of player characters that developed in previous editions which had species like pixies, ogres, and even dragons as player characters. I mathematically reverse engineered how WOTC designs races giving Dungeon Masters the freedom to design their own races. However, WOTC limits player characters to Small or Medium Size and Humanoid shape if not Type. These limits mean that you cannot recreate many of the ‘races’ from previous editions. So, I extended the design rules beyond what WOTC allows in an optional section. My species design book and booklets created with it can be found here: https://www.dmsguild.com/browse.php?author=Karl%20David%20Brown


Awakened Black Bear Barbarian Level 1. Background: Outlander. Alignment True Neutral. Proficiency Bonus +2. Size Medium. Type Beast. Tool Use 2: If you don’t have my book use what a real bears paws could do as a guide. Award Inspiration dice when this causes a serious obstacle. Age 7 (Adult). Height 6’10” on two legs. Weight 450 pounds.

Eyes: Dark Brown. Skin Black. Hair Black Fur.

STR 16 (+3), DEX 12 (+1), CON 16 (+3), INT 10 (+0), WIS 14 (+2), CHA 8 (-1)

‘*’ Indicates proficient.

Saving Throws: STR* +5, DEX +1, CON* +5, INT +0, WIS +2, CHA -1.

Skills: Acrobatics +1, Animal Handling +2, Arcana +0, Athletics +5*, Deception -1, History +0, Insight +2, Intimidation* +1, Investigation +0, Medicine +2, Nature* +2, Perception* +4, Performance -1, Persuasion +1, Religion +0, Sleight of Hand +1, Stealth +1, Survival* +4.

Passive Perception 14. Languages: Common, Elf, Gnome. Can communicate with normal bears. Armour Proficiencies: Light and Medium but cannot don or remove armour without help. Weapon Proficiencies: None. Tool Proficiencies: Drum. AC 15 (including Natural AC 11, DEX +1, and barbarian Unarmoured Defence). Initiative +1. Speed 40. Climb 30. Hit Point Maximum 15. Hit Dice: 1d12.

Attacks

Bite (Unarmed strike) +5, 1d6+3 Piercing.

Claw (Natural Melee Weapon) +5, 2d4+3 Slashing

Rage: Aerd has 2 uses of Rage as described in the Player’s Handbook (PHB) page 48. The +2 damage while raging can be added to her claw attacks.

Keen Smell: Aerd has Advantage on Wisdom (perception) checks that rely on smell.

Equipment: A pouch around neck containing a potion of healing, a day’s rations, and 49 gold pieces.

Personality traits: I rumble and growl when I speak. I don’t care about civilisation or treasure.

Ideals: To be free to live as a wild animal as I was born to do.

Bonds: The forest is my home. I will protect it.

Flaws: Cantankerous. My abrasive manner often upsets others. Tool Use 2.


Saltos Van

John Carter of Mars (Modiphius)

Saltos is a Red Martian from the ancient city state of Gathol. As a youth his flyer crashed in the ancient dry sea bottom during a storm. He was found by a Zodangan airship. Since Zodanga and Gathol were enemies at the time he was enslaved and forced to fight in the great arena of Zodanga. During the chaos of the sacking of Zodanga by Helium and John Carter’s Thark allies Saltos escaped, cutting his way to freedom with five of his fellow gladiators.


This background has granted Saltos a wide variety of capabilities. He speaks and reads common Barsoomian fluently. He is very familiar with Gathol and her neighbours. He knows of the great city of Helium and is familiar with the rival great city of Zodanga. He can pilot an airship, understands basic scientific principles, and can use common Red Martian technology. He can ride tamed beasts. Like all martians he can use a firearm. He is terrifying with a blade in his hand. Furthermore, from his time as a fighting slave he knows the common combat games and of the arenas of Barsoom, the myriad weapons used in those arenas, the dangerous beasts unleashed therein for the entertainment of bloodthirsty crowds, and how to play to those crowds for fame and favour.


The Edgar Rice Burroughs’ Martian stories were written between 1912 and 1941 and the setting is a product of it’s times. Slavery is a background detail, there but not really discussed except when gladiatorial competitions occur. When Mophidius wrote the John Carter of Mars (JCOM) game they acknowledged that in a few nations, like the USA, slavery is still a triggering topic for some and suggested that it simply be not mentioned if it is an issue at your table. Here, I create a slave who has gained their freedom as a reminder that while slavery was, and arguably still is, a feature of almost every civilisation in Earth’s history the desire for freedom is universal and slavery is wrong.


Concept: Fierce escaped gladiator. Race: Red Martian.

Cunning 4, Daring 8, Empathy 4, Might 7, Passion 7, Reason 4.

Momentum 0. Luck: 0. Flaw: Heroic Fury (JCOM page 40)

Renown: Unspent 0, Spent 10, Total 10. Allies: 5 fellow escaped gladiators (worth 2 renown each). Kwok Kar a green Martian, and the Red Martians Wom Baht, Worahn Piz, Dooyar Thang, Vy Argerah, and Parnah Dhol.

Core Equipment: Cheap but sturdy Martian longsword. Base Damage 2, Notes: Sharp

Talents: Are you not entertained? (grade 1, JCOM page 33), Cut them down! (grade 1, JCOM page 63), Flurry of blows (grade 4, JCOM page 66).


Boddynock Skyratchet, Sky Gnome Inventor

Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition, Top Ballista 5th Edition Player’s Guide

Boddynock is a member of the Skyratchet Machine Builder's Clan of Serraine, the flying city of the gnomes. He is involved in the key business of his clan, designing and building machines. Machine design is a competitive field and there are no intellectual property laws in Serraine. Over time Boddynock has become a little paranoid and his only confident is Nyjel a magical clockwork crab he keeps like a pet.


Top Ballista (TSR 1989) described D&D’s first gnome inventors and provided rules giving you true creative freedom when creating new inventions, quite unlike the current official artificer class. It also described the mobile flying city of the gnomes that wandered the world. This provided a home base while giving players and DMs the freedom to wander around the detailed setting of Mystara as presented in the Gazetteer series of publications for the BECMI edition of D&D. Top Ballista also described some unusual PC races: sky gnomes, gremlins, sphinxes, pegataurs, nagpa, harpies, and faenare.

Discovering this curiosity a few years ago I set about converting it to D&D 5e. My free fan conversion of the players book and some other Top Ballista material is found here: http://www.pandius.com/kbrown.html

XGE indicates the rule is found in Xanathar’s Guide to Everything (WOTC). PHB Player’s Handbook.


Sky Gnome Rogue (Inquisitive XGE) Level 4. Background: Clan (Guild) Artisan Outlander. Alignment Neutral Good. Proficiency Bonus +2. Size Small. Type Humanoid. Age 45 (Young Adult). Height 3’4”. Weight 37 pounds.

Eyes: Emerald Green. Skin Tanned and stained with black grease. Hair Wild Brown and a long beard.

STR 10 (+0), DEX 11 (+0), CON 11 (+0), INT 16 (+3), WIS 14 (+2), CHA 11 (+0)

‘*’ Indicates proficient.

Saving Throws: STR +0, DEX* +2, CON +0, INT* +5, WIS* +4, CHA +0.

Advantage on INT, WIS, and CHA saves against magic.

Skills: Acrobatics +0, Animal Handling +2, Arcana +3, Athletics +0, Deception +0, History +3, Insight* +4, Intimidation +0, Investigation* +7 (expertise), Medicine +2, Nature +3, Perception* +4, Performance +0, Persuasion* +2, Religion +3, Sleight of Hand* +4 (expertise), Stealth* +2, Survival +2.

Passive Perception 14. Languages: Sky-Common (a dialect of Common), Gnome, Sphinx, Thieves’ Cant. Armour Proficiencies: Light. Weapon Proficiencies: Simple weapons, hand crossbows, longswords, rapiers, shortswords. Tool Proficiencies: Tinker’s Tools, Smith’s Tools. AC 11 (Leather work apron, gloves, high work boots) Initiative +0. Speed 25. Hit Point Maximum 23. Hit Dice: 4d8.

Attacks

Two light hammers +2, 1d4/1d4 Thrown 20/80. Using two weapon fighting rule.

Large Work Knife (Dagger) +2 1d4 Thrown 20/60

Darkvision 90’

Sneak Attack: + 2d6

Artificer’s Lore: As per the PHB.

Tinker: As per the PHB

Skyborn: You have advantage on saves to avoid damage from air-based attacks and falling (but not if you deliberately jump from a height).

Weathersense: Advantage on Nature checks when above ground to determine altitude, speed, determine if weather is a natural phenomenon, and predict weather.

Cunning Action: Can use a bonus action to dash, disengage, or dodge.

Ear for Deceit: XGE45

Eye for Detail: XGE46

Insightful Fighting: XGE46

Magic Initiate (Wizard): Spellcasting ability INT, save DC13, spell attack bonus +5. Cantrips: Mending, Ray of Frost. 1st level spell cast 1/long rest: Unseen Servant

Feature: Clan (Guild) Membership

Personality traits: My particular gnomish way o' talkin'. *I mutta to Nyjel when thinkin’

Ideals: Fairness: a good day's work should be gettin' a good day's pay an' a fair price for quality goods.

Bonds: I'm a proud patriot of Serriane, why not look what we have wrought.

Flaws: I'm secretive with my designs I see rivals and idea thieves everywhere.

Equipment: Rugged work clothes, coin pouch (6gp, 9sp, 10cp), pouch (2 healing potions) Pack (contains: A tiny mechanical crab that moves about when it is not being observed I call it Nyjel, tinker's tools, smith's tools, 2 days rations)







FREEDOM IN THE DARK

By Tim Rice


Introduction


B lades In The Dark is an award-winning game by John Harper in which you join a crew of scoundrels who undertake desperate heists in the grimdark post-apocalyptic industrial fantasy city of Doskvol. There is a lot that could be said about this beloved game, but this article will focus on one specific aspect which is both commonly misunderstood and easily corrected: the freedom available to customize character creation and advancement.

We will clarify some options which John Harper has already established as canonical both in online discussions and in the System Reference Document (SRD), and also propose additional house rules for increasing the freedom that already exists. Note that the SRD is released under a Creative Commons license, and we will use some of the SRD's text in examples; full attribution appears at the end of the article.


To get started with playing the game, the Blades In The Dark rulebook provides two chapters, one each for crew creation and character creation. By default, crew types and character specializations are selected from one of six or seven "playbooks." Example crew types are Assassins, Shadows and Smugglers; example character playbooks are the fighter-like Cutter, the thief-like Lurk and the wizard-like Whisper.


When first learning Blades In The Dark, these lists of playbooks makes it easy to get started. They streamline certain choices, and the evocative names and descriptions set a certain mood to help everyone learn what sort of game this is. For example, Whisper is the primary arcane class, and the word "whisper" evokes mystery, subtlety, and creepiness, which is appropriate to the Doskvol setting. If the playbook were called Mage instead, the player could be forgiven for expecting flashy, quasi-technocratic Vancian spellcasting as is popular in more heroic settings.


What is often not clear to new players, but becomes clearer to someone who has built a few different crews and characters, is that the playbooks and crew types are basically cookie-cutter templates which share a common underlying structure. That they have a shared structure may make you wonder, why can't I have a concept which blends the Lurk and the Whisper, or Shadows and Smugglers? This article goes a step further, distilling the underlying framework, making it possible to build custom crews and characters from scratch. With the system that follows, it is possible to reproduce any of the official playbooks, while permitting players full freedom to flesh out any other concept that works in the fiction, including hybrid playbooks and crew types.


Note that I don't necessarily advocate using this system for all situations. It requires investing more time and thought at the start of a campaign, and places more burden on the player to understand the various options as well as what works in the setting. This is perhaps not worth the investment if you only plan to run a few sessions, especially if your players are new to the game. However, for a longer campaign it can be worth spending more time up front to ensure everyone gets exactly what they want.


Due to the extra choices available, players can get analysis paralysis when trying these free-for-all rules. If players look overwhelmed when presented with a large number of options, let them know that they can change it later. I find that reducing the fear of a wrong choice allows the player to be more confident about choosing something which looks good enough. If they're still not sure, try suggesting something which fits the concept, again pointing out that this doesn't have to be a permanent choice. If all else fails, just leave it blank for now and move on; make a note to occasionally ask about it, perhaps at the start or end of a game session.


In what follows, we will look at how to create a custom character playbook, a custom crew type, and a modification or expansion of the rules about changing a playbook or crew type after the campaign begins.


Character Playbook Free-For-All

Looking through the published character playbooks reveals a pattern. Character playbooks all provide the following:

We will now look at how to provide those aspects of a character without locking ourselves into any specific playbook.


Concept

This is arguably the most important part. Without a strong concept, the rest of the customization rules can come across as quite abstract and arbitrary.


I typically ask characters to visualize themselves on the dark, rainy cobblestone streets of an industrial city, walking through a crowd of people dressed in Victorian clothing, on the way to commit a crime with their gang. "Who are you, in this city, with these people? What are you known for, and what do you contribute to your crew? You pass a mirror and check yourself out: what do you see?" In case someone has trouble with such visualization, ask them to find a fictional character or picture on the internet that they would like to use as a model.


Two xp triggers

In the published playbooks, all the character xp triggers are worded as, "earn xp when you address a challenge with blah or blah." Notice that the triggers worded this way do not require success; they merely require an attempt. Therefore, character xp triggers represent a statement of intent about your play style, rather than any specific type of work (which is covered by crew type.)


Since the triggers do not require success, they don't necessarily represent advanced skill. A perfectly valid concept is you were originally trained as a mercenary, but now you are sick of seeing people die, and prefer to solve problems with talking. In that case, even though you may not end up with many (or any) ranks in Sway, you could still choose "earn xp when you address a challenge with charm or influence." Make the triggers about your preferred approach and what your character is interested in learning about, not (necessarily) what you are actually good at.

The following is a list of character xp triggers published in the SRD:

Choose two xp triggers, either from this list, or from any of the published playbooks, or make up something new. When developing custom triggers, always remember: the xp should be gained based on methods you attempt, not on goals you achieve.


Action ranks

Every character should end up with a base of seven action ranks. Ultimately, when creating a custom character according to these rules, the ranks can be assigned more or less anywhere, so long as it matches your concept. You want to be a glass cannon with three ranks each in Attune and Wreck, and one rank in Study? Well, okay then.

For a new player, however, I wouldn't consider it a good idea to immediately go for such high levels of specialization, because it means all your resistance rolls will only have one die. Furthermore, for each action rank, I do like to hear the player's narrative about when their character learned how to do that. A compromise which still allows full freedom but adds a bit of structure is tie six action ranks to questions about the character:


Now place the final rank anywhere; for a new player, I would suggest assign it so that their lowest resistance attribute increases. You can also leave it blank for now and wait until the game begins before deciding how to allocate it.


Friends and Rivals

Choose one friend and one rival. If you have a copy of the rulebook, you can choose a friend and a rival from any of the playbooks. Alternatively, the SRD has the following suggestions: a spy, a bounty hunter, a pugilist, a cold killer, an extortionist, a physicker, an assassin, a sentinel, an apothecary, a priestess, a noble, a city clerk, an officer, an inspector, a beggar, a locksmith, a gang leader, a drug dealer, a tavern owner, a prostitute, a jail-bird, an information broker, a servant, an archivist, or a supernatural entity.

To help a player choose or create a friend and rival, remind them to look out at Doskvol through their character's eyes. "As this person, in this place, who do I go to when I need help, and who keeps getting all up in my business because of some old grudge?"


Special abilities

Rather than being restricted to one playbook, characters can choose special abilities from any playbook or the SRD. Oh, you think that's overpowered? In fact, this is canonical! Remember that veteran advances exist, and although the rulebook makes them seem limited, in fact John Harper clarified and expanded on the point in later discussions:


In other words, it doesn't even need a house rule to allow any character to start with any special ability, and pick and choose from all the playbooks as the character advances.


When selecting or designing a special ability, remind the player to rely on their concept. What special knack or advanced training sets the character apart from other scoundrels? When people whisper over their drinks about the character's exploits, what is the most incredible part of the story?


Custom special abilities

It can work well to create new special abilities based on the general format of pre-written special abilities. For example, I had a player whose concept was they are a from a mining family and have a strong interest in rocks and minerals. We developed a special ability called Geologist, which provides +1d in situations where the player can explain how geological knowledge would be relevant.


Looking through the published special abilities, there are some patterns you can re-use to come up with new special abilities unique to your character and campaign. Here are some patterns which might give you ideas:


These examples don't exhaust all possibilities; the point is that once you have a concept, you can often customize existing special abilities to get what you want.


Special items

Characters can start with any five special items chosen from any playbooks, or design new special items. When designing something new, it can be useful to realize that most special items are just better versions of equipment from the standard item list.

This allows us to easily suggest novel special items such as the following:


Crew Type Free-For-All

As with character playbooks, looking through the published crew types reveals some reusable patterns. Minor variations aside, the crew types provide the following:


Concept

As with character creation, a custom crew demands a good custom concept. Get the players to discuss and agree on what sort of crew they're forming together. Are you racketeers, fixers, a cartel, a thieves guild, a proto-biker gang, Ocean's 11, Daud's Whalers from Dishonored, grifters, moonshiners, train robbers, Lovecraftian cultists, dynamite-throwing revolutionaries, or a legal firm a la Better Call Saul?

If you, as the GM, would prefer to limit the crew types in some way, it's best to be honest about that up front, before the players decide. It could lead to resentments if you thought you were going to be running Ocean's 11, and your players fix onto the idea of playing a group of subversive Ink Rakes journalists.


Four xp triggers

Once they have a concept, the players collaborate to select a few crew xp triggers which represent their preferred job categories. Some example triggers are published in the SRD; the following list is representative:


Choose up to four, either from this list, or from any combination of crews published in Blades In The Dark, or from any custom triggers suggested by players.


For custom triggers, remember that crew operations focus on successful outcomes, not attempted methods. "Theft" is a fine crew xp trigger; it could be accomplished using any of a number of methods, which allows multiple types of characters to have a role in the crew. "Feat of athletics" would not be a good crew xp trigger, because it is a method that could be applied to multiple types of jobs, and not every player may expect their character to be an athlete. Since it is a method, "feat of athletics" could make a good character playbook xp trigger, highlighting one character's preferred way of dealing with problems.


Once you have a few crew xp triggers, they are inserted into the following template, replacing "blah" with the triggers:

When you play this crew, you earn xp when you execute a successful blah, blah, blah or blah.


For example:

When you play a crew of Fixers, you earn xp when you execute a successful larceny, sabotage, smuggling or cleanup operation.


Four upgrades

Every crew chooses two general upgrades; the SRD has a list which includes:


Every crew can then choose two more upgrades, which can either be additional general upgrades, or specialist upgrades. In these free-for-all rules, we allow specialist upgrades to be chosen from any crew, or customized along the same lines. Specialist upgrades tend to fall into one of a few patterns which can be easily adapted to new purposes:


Contact

Players can nominate any contact from any crew type, or possibly any other source (such as vice purveyors or NPCs from the character playbook friend/rival lists), for the crew. Don't allow overlap with characters' friends and rivals, though.


A roadmap of possible claims

This is honestly not that important during the early campaign. In fact, in the games of Blades In The Dark I've run so far, I've yet to see a reason why it should be necessary to follow claim maps at all.


When the players want something for their crew, they'll let you know. If it makes sense, then they can go on a score which gives it to them, in lieu of other rewards. Why make them wait until they get some other claim first?

Therefore, in the spirit of this free-for-all article, I suggest just throwing out the idea of claim maps completely. Or keep them if you like them; in that case either select a claim map from some existing crew type, or design a new one.


Special abilities

As with character playbook special abilities, players can choose their crew special abilities from any crew, or come up with something new.


Custom special abilities

There are a few patterns which you can easily re-use to template some new concept:

Opportunities

All the crew types come with a list of opportunities which serves as a list of random jobs. When doing a free-for-all design, it generally wouldn't be expected that the players would design their own opportunities. However, it is a good idea for the GM to construct such a list early in the campaign, perhaps immediately after session zero.

Start by picking one or two crew types that are similar to your players' crew. Go through the list of opportunities for each crew type and pick out the ones that you think would be fun or interesting to your players, and which you can imagine how it would be run. As you go, also add any other ideas you get for opportunities which would match your players' crew concept.

Once you have a list of 36 opportunities, you are easily on par with any of the published crew types. I also find that once the campaign begins, players will start throwing around ideas for scores they could run; I don't add these to the list of random jobs, but I do note them down for future in case the players find themselves wondering what to do next.

Changing Playbooks or Crew Type

In the section on character and crew Advancement, Blades In The Dark includes a subsection on how to change playbooks or crew type after the campaign begins. For the most part, it's fine, allowing either a change in direction for a crew or character, or allowing a complete rebuild (what video gamers would call a "respec.") However, it is framed in terms of switching from one playbook or crew type to another, which is a bit at odds with the above free-for-all rules; what exactly are we switching between, again?

So far, my players haven't expressed any interest in doing respecs or similar changes to their crew or character, so I don't have any playtested advice about how it would best be done. However, I can say that I've thought about it, and can propose what I would probably try.

First of all, it may simply work okay to allow a full respec, using the above rules and allowing the player to keep all rewards and advances they've obtained so far. However, for a more organic approach that can easily fit narratives about gradual character change, I take inspiration from Liber Nox by Peter Carroll, in which there is an exercise known as Transmogrification, about which it is said:

The magical life demands the abandonment of comfort, conventionality, secuirty and safety -- for competition, combat, extremes, and adversity are needed to produce higher resolutions and personal evolution. An air of desperation is required in a life lived close to the edge. ... Therefore abandon all fixed patterns of residence, employment, relationship and taste.

The gist is that in order to gain the freedom and power to become anything, you need to both sacrifice a part of the old life that was holding you back, and go through fresh challenges. The spirit of such an exercise seems strongly in keeping with the themes and mood of Blades In The Dark, and can easily be pressed into service as a new Downtime activity, namely:

Transmogrification

Make changes to your character. When you have nothing to lose, you gain the freedom to become anything.

Make a fortune roll, starting with 4 dice, but adjusted downwards by the quality level of your lifestyle. I.e. a Poor character (stash 0-10) has 4 dice, and a character with a Fine lifestyle (stash 40+) has zero dice (i.e. roll two dice and take the lowest result.) This roll can be pushed.

The number of changes you can make to your character is equal to the highest dice roll. Each Transmogrification allows choosing from amongst these changes:

Alternatively, you can contribute to a change to the crew. However, this needs to be unanimous, and so all characters must perform the same change before the crew as a whole is affected. Such changes to the crew could allow swapping upgrades, special abilities, hunting grounds, contacts, rep, xp triggers, claims and status.

Conclusion

I've playtested most but not all of the above rules and they seem to work fairly well, with the caveat that they do require more patience during the character and crew creation stages of a new campaign. Once the initial hurdle is passed, it is very rewarding to have a bespoke experience which wouldn't be available if we took the naive approach of sticking to the published playbooks. I hope after reading this, people will realize that there is a lot of freedom available for types of crews and scoundrels you can run in Blades In The Dark, in ways which may not be immediately obvious just based on skimming through the rulebook.

This article has used some content from the Blades In The DarkSystem Reference Document, which is available at https://bladesinthedark.com/basics and https://github.com/amazingrando/blades-in-the-dark-srd-content. Blades In The Dark is a product of One Seven Design, developed and authored by John Harper, and the SRD is released under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported license (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/).



SKILLS FOR B/X D&D

By James Bobb


CHARACTER SKILLS

Characters are brought to life through the actions of the player. Most activities will rely on a players' role-playing ability, but at times some activities require an element of unpredictable chance. Skills should not be overused, in most instances the

player’s actions will be the determining factor of their success or failure.


NUMBER OF SKILLS
A character begins play with a number of skills based on their class, plus an additional two skills:


Class Skills

Cleric Religion and Profession

Dwarf Endurance and Profession (miner)

Elf Arcana and History

Fighter Athletics or Intimidation

Gnome Appraise and Profession (miner)

Halfling Acrobatics and either Performance or Persuasion

Magic-user Arcana and either History or Knowledge

Thief Pick four from Athletics, Disable Device, Investigation, Sleight of Hand and Stealth


HOW TO MAKE A SKILL CHECK
When a player has his or her character perform certain actions the DM will call for a skill check. This is resolved by the player rolling a 16 or greater on d20. The character adds half of his level (rounded up) and

his ability score adjustment to the roll.


Classes with inherent bonuses for certain tasks (elves spotting secret doors, dwarves with their detection bonuses, etc.) gain an additional +2 bonus to the roll.


If the character is not proficient in the skill, he or she does not gain the benefit based on their level. The DM may adjust the difficulty for any special conditions. A roll of ‘1’ is an automatic failure and a roll of ‘20’ is an automatic success, regardless of adjustments.


A listing of common skills is listed by relevant ability score. Some common tasks associated with each skill are given as example only and the DM can decide if a skill check is needed to and task.


NOTE: This skill system replaces thieves’ skills!


STRENGTH SKILLS

Athletics (climb, jump, open doors, break grapple)

Intimidation


INTELLIGENCE SKILLS

Appraise

Arcana

Disable Device

Knowledge (general and 1 specific subject)

History (general plus 1 region or subject)

Investigation (active listen, active search)

Nature (true north, predict weather, fauna, start fire)

Religion


WISDOM SKILLS

Animal Handling (calm animal, train animal)

Insight (gambling, sense motive)

Medicine (healing, cure poison, cure disease)

Perception (passive listen, passive spot)

Profession (select one type)

Survival (one terrain type, flora, clean water, foraging)


DEXTERITY SKILLS

Acrobatics (balance, dodge, escape artist, tumble)

Ride (one animal type)

Sleight of Hand (pick pockets)

Stealth (hide, move silent)


CONSTITUTION SKILLS

Endurance


CHARISMA SKILLS*

Performance (bluff, deception, disguise, entertain)

Persuasion (diplomacy, gather information)


*As all players have their own level of comfort being in character, skill rolls never replace role-playing but are used in tandem with a player’s role-playing ability to help the DM determine an outcome.


OPTIONAL EXTENSTION by Lev Lafayette

The broad skills (Knowledge, History, Survival, Ride etc) should be general, but with a penalty for unfamiliar types. So a person raised in the Ethengar Khanate would have knowledge, history, survival, ride etc appropriate for that region, but would be at a penalty in the Northern Reaches until they are "familiar" with the region (say, after gaining a level).


Original discussion

https://www.facebook.com/groups/bxdnd/posts/3819973551616083/








AD&D DARK SUN: FREEDOM REVIEW

By Lev Lafayette



P hysical Product and Style


Freedom” is the first published adventure scenario in the Dark Sun setting for Advanced Dungeons & Dragons. Mention must be made of this setting, as it is a significant change from the quasi-medieval-Conan-Tolkien soup that was more typical of the times. Dark Sun was set in a harsh desert environment with an equally harsh socio-political environment and treatment of magic, all making it one of the more popular settings for AD&D or any other game system for that matter. However, this is not the place to elaborate too far on the setting as it will be discussed in a future review.


Freedom” comes in a folder-box set with two spiral bound notebooks, which are guaranteed to become damaged, and a 16-page A4 book “Shackles” that contains a short story by Allen Varney and a few pages of character stats. One of the notebooks contains the scenario itself for the DM. The other is artwork of events, items that occur in the scenario and is more for player use. The cover art, by Gerald Brom, is pretty good in technique but very low-brow in creativity. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with athletic beauty, but yet another fantasy woman a leather bikini is generic and boring. In contrast however the interior art by Tom Bexa has a particularly interesting style and detail in many cases.


Content


The DM’s book is written with a bordered single-column presentation and serif font. The writing style is very well structured, with plenty of preparation notes sign-posting along the way about how the scenario plays out. The adventure consists of two parts, with the first part providing five possible scenarios of which a minimum of one is required before moving to the second part. Each of the scenarios in Part One are designed to get the PCs into sufficient trouble that they end up captured by the authorities with notes on the appropriateness for particularly types of characters. Each scenario also has a starting description, a description of the encounter, roleplaying notes and dialogue, reactions, statistics, outcome, and what happens next. The scenarios in Part One are pretty short and ultimately should PCs will fall for the plot requirement as some outcomes are a little contrived. With a bit of effort a clever DM should be able to combine the different scenarios together into a coherent narrative as well.


In Part Two of the adventure the PCs start off as slaves working for a local ruler's building project. Life in the slave pens is described in some detail, with suitable methods to limit the influence of magic by the PCs. The adventure differentiates between "scenes", short incidences that provide colour, and encounters that drive the main plot. In addition, there are a number of NPC allies in scenes who come from the scenarios in Part One, and NPC Enemies in further scenes. Designed with no set order, the scenes and encounters provide plenty of opportunity for some interesting play and can be elaborated as desired.


Part Three is a lot more open in terms of player agency; in Part One and Two there was very much a sense that that events happen to the characters, whereas Part Three the PCs drive the direction of the story albeit with present encounters along the way. The encounters themselves continue a narrative thread with each encounter tied to a preceding encounter from Part Two. As a result, an issue in some of the Part Two encounters, that is they are aim toward to particular characters, repeats itself in Part Three. It does mean that several storylines can be running simultaneously, as a deliberate objective in the adventure's design, but it probably worthwhile for a DM to alters these to ensure that multiple party members are involved in these more major and lengthy periods of play.



Ultimately, however, the plot drives toward an attempt to overthrow the local ruler and escape, which is the key objective in Parts Four and Five, which combines scenes from the short story booklet, Verdant Passage, that comes the adventure pack and it pretty much required reading to capture the atmosphere of the events. Unlike the other parts of the adventure, the events in this section occur in a sequential manner and one where the PCs tend to play a supporting role to some more major high-level PCs who drive the action, except in one very important point in the story’s development where – although the adventure is designed for lower-level characters – they are able to encourage a larger group toward a favourable outcome.


Conclusion


Freedom” is a great introduction to the setting of Dark Sun, and the adventure is designed in such a fashion that there is a strong sense of narrative coherence and character depth. There are some flaws, as mentioned, it a GM should make some modifications as already mentioned. As for the product itself, the experimental packaging is not really what would consider successful. Still, such a fundamental design flaw in the physical item does not prevent the excellence in the content of the adventure.



SUBTERRANEAN CEPHALOPOD BLUES

by Ruby Constance


OR

12-bar essay on primordial longing via steely dan



























i

I WEAR MY ABYSS HAT /

I AM THE INSPECTOR OF ABYSSES.

Love,’ writes philosopher Hannah Arendt, ‘by its very nature, is unworldly…’ The restaurant at the end of the street at the end of the world promises ‘the taste of longing’ (Normand & Rogers, 1973). It is not widely known but the discography of Steely Dan was recorded entirely underwater in the hours between midnight and 4:30AMi. This production is evident in the first three chords of Big Black Cow from the album Aja (1977) which were sourced from an ancient and mysterious sound heard 30,000 feet deep off the coast of South Africa (Felonius, 1944).

[silence waits its body. a thick fog. of knowing-dreaming. snap of bubblegum. seas too big. as vast as death]

How can you promise the taste of longing? I always find myself back at the beginningii with the expectation to tell the truth, writes Elise. Easily: the taste of longing is like cinnamon, dust, maybe sugar, but certainly the song ‘Deacon Blues’ from the album Aja when Donald Fagen sings:

you call me a fool / you think it’s a crazy scheme

this one’s for real / I already bought the dream.



iDonald Fagen and Gary Katz also utilised this method on Fagen’s first solo album Nightfly in 1982.

ii it began in summer like most things pass the salt.



i

MUCH COMES MY WAY /

YET, ALSO, NOTHING.

Very little is known of what really happened in February of the year 2038ADi. What is known is that there are more similarities than syllabic between tragedy and alchemy. As Arendt writes ‘…and it is for this reason rather than its rarity that it is not only apolitical but antipolitical, perhaps the most powerful of all antipolitical forces...’ What is known is pieced together from newspaper reports and the salvaged diary of one Elise Clarke, which beginsii predictably: My name is Elise Emilia Clarke. I was born in the year 2023. Green clouds passed over; I stared into February. My father cried. Pertinently, on Steely Dan’s third album Pretzel Logic (1974) Donald Fagen sings:

have you ever seen a squonk'siii tears well look at mine.

To cry according to Normand & Rogers (1973) is, by any other name, a transmutation.

[the pulse slows. as snowing. impeccable sorrow of. a beat. then return. then silence]



i look here. look at love; it is here. touch your sick father

ii imagine the economy. participate in an instrument or consider habit-forming

iii The band came across this mythical creature, which can dissolve in its own tears, in a book by Jorge Luis Borges.





i

THUS-MOUTHED /

I WRITE POEMS FOR NO-ONE

IN BONELESS CAVE OF WHITE HEAD.

As Arendt writes ‘the distinction between violent and non-violent action is that the former is exclusively bent upon the destruction of the old…’ Writes Elise: And what happened, in our own words? In March of 2038 the following cry could be heard reverberating through headlines around the world: ‘Where Do They Go? We Thought We Knew. They Dug A Hole Down, Down, And Now They Stand Neat Like A List, Moonburnt Knees Shivering In Peerless Alcoholic Emptiness’

[that equine stubbornness. the way a new consciousness comes on like a fever, hot and sure]

The sound erupted in a minor chord with a harmony of impeccable sorrow. It had such surprisingly lush production values that it glanced the surface of Europai, or Jupiter II, the smallest of the four Galilean moons orbiting Jupiter. Elise writes: I could quote Anne Sexton on Plath: ‘We talked death with burned-up intensity [...] sucking on it!’ and leave it at that. But it was no clean cut. In July 1978 Steely Dan’s sixth studio album Aja received a Grammy Award for Best Engineered Album, Non-Classicalii; Europaiii, incidentally, is the sixth-closest to Jupiter of all its 80 known moons.



I All say she was gathering flowers.

ii In addition to two further nominations.


iii Some say she threaded flowers around his horns; some say she caressed his wide, soft face, and others, his flanks.



i

I AM A GIRL ON A FEELING;

I AM AN AUTOBIOGRAPHER (THOUGH MY TONGUE

DOES NOT SPEAK OR EXIST)

As Arendt writes ‘…and the latter is chiefly concerned with the establishment of something new.’ The overwhelming themes of the historical blues include getting, having, holding, and the inevitable losing of that which has been got, had, or held (B. France, 1933).

[ascend the marble steps. its unreachable height. a stone drops. bounces like a tear]

Elise writes: We tried, we can’t be faulted for that. Yes to gender, we cried, and to the body politic! There is also the fourth secret longing principle for that which has never been and was generally believed could never be.i This phenomena includes future-nostalgia, limerence, general longing and hauntology (Fisher, 2014). Of course, on Steely Dan’s seventh album Gaucho (1980) Fagen sings:

all the world’s a schoolgirl / and we are her cigarette.

A yes towards absurdity is a yes to indulgence is a yes to melancholy is a dinner date with spaceii, and we regret to report that the pornographers are at a loss.



I And does he answer to a name? Some reports refer to him as The Autobiographer. Others, Ol’ Man River. It has been said he answers to power and longing, but it is highly likely that he answers to nothing.

ii Arendt and her mother crossed the border in springtime 1933 to escape the Nazis. They took dinner at a German household. The back door of the house slept in Czechoslovakia and the front door slumbered silently in Germany. The cherry trees bloomed quietly in the night. Each dinner party movement laced with eros and annihilation. Girl and mother grasped the pale bull horns.



iv

IN THE WATER HOUSE THERE IS NOWHERE TO GO EXCEPT DEEPER.

As Elise writes: In some respects it was the refusal of politics enacted through the politics of refusali. Could, we wonder, mourning empty dinner tables, this refusal be another way of saying 'yes'? I wish I had a heart of ice, a heart like ice, sings Fagen in an underwater manner on Nightfly. It is clear here he is talking here about Europaii, an ice moon, which has the smoothest surface of any known solid object in the solar system and almost certainly a heart of ice. But perhaps these implications were collateral. As Elise writes: Mostly, as girls, we were simply sick of saying yes.

[mary janes clicking flatly. remove doubt. apprehend distance. we trek the ice scars]



i Just as accurately it was walking out into the desert of thought, a teenage romance, certainly a whim and debatably a chemical imbalance masquerading as absurdist demonstration.

ii Some say he was in love. Some say he wanted her because he had everything else, his god eye falling always. Slipping on the slippery hills. Slipping into women and goats and such.



iv

THE HERMETIC SEAL OF MY HERMITAGE

PROVIDES PERFECT WATERPROOFING /

BETWEEN FLESH AND NOT-FLESH

(THE TWO COLOURS)

And where did it begin? Arendt: ‘Under conditions of tyranny it is far easier to act than to think.’ It is little known but Steely Dan was conceived in the depths of night at the Los Angeles Aquarium. Allegedly Donald Fagen and Walter Becker were refused entrance to the glass bottom boat tour of the shark exhibit due to ‘extensive inebriation’; this infamous spurning went on to become the genesis for their first album concept, Can’t Buy A Thrill (1972).

[he lurks. beneath the ice flats. huge white bull scraping. huge squid hooves. in dust. collecting flowers]

A regretful report from the surface of Europai: the youth and smoothness of the ice moon’s surface has led to the hypothesis that an ocean exists beneath which could conceivably harbour extra-terrestrial life. Surely we can find some solace in Steely Dan when Donald Fagen sings:

any major dude with half a heart surely will tell you my friend /

any minor world that breaks apart falls together again.

But here is something else which has been lost: it turns out you can make a spaceship out of anything, and manifestos are easily mistaken for love letters. Yet we must report that in our dreams our underwater carousel is sweet with virgins, legs kicking into space, tiny mouths laughing, laughing…



i Some say she only collected flowers on the hillside to tempt gods to fall upon her. Some say he tripped. And he was very far, in the sky, his god eye falling. It was a long way to fall.



i

AS I CATALOGUE THE ABYSS LIKE A COLOSSAL MERCHANT.

Arendt writes that ‘the new always happens against the overwhelming odds of statistical laws and their probability which for all practical, everyday purposes amounts to certainty…’

[we shoal amongst ourselves. lip-bright in wartime. walled in. by the quiet violence of desire]

Another regretful report from the surface of Europaiii: we have sent satellites to stop them but they have no use for patriarchs, and it is now known that Galileo’s discovery of Jupiter’s moons had existential in addition to astronomical implications. In other words: California / tumbles into the sea, as Fagen noted poignantly on Steely Dan’s 1973 album Countdown To Ecstasy.

It is not widely known but Walter Beckeri was haunted by dreams of seas too big. 'Donii,' he would say, taking a bodacious hit of El Supremo, 'I'm haunted by dreams of seas too big.'

This fascination would grow between the two like a chasm until the eventual dissolution of the band. Becker stated in retrospect ‘I was busy dissolving everything else about myself, so it seemed the logical extension.’ As Elise writes: It is understood that formerly adequate living conditions can become intolerable once certain truths come to light.



i Some say they were there. Some say they were not. The consensus was: she mounted him, like some sort of stoic Armageddon, some sculptural epiphany, some death on fire, casting flowers.

ii Founding member, bassist and guitarist of Steely Dan.

iii Donald Fagen, founding member, singer and pianist of Steely Dan.



i

MY BIOGRAPHER OFTEN COMPARES ME

TO THE DEATH-PLACE OR A TOMB;

Arendt: ‘…the new therefore always appears in the guise of a miracle.’ We regret to report from the surface of Europai: they have for many months loved him.

[sailor suits smarting from frostbite. spreadeagled by blue. blue. edges infringed and hurting]

Pulled out of class for writing long & lovesick notes. 12,462 and counting school projects on cephalopods. walk half-blind as if intoxicated. Stumble and falling. It is only modern love. It is only the endless nothingness of seduction. Just as Fagen sings on ‘My Rival’ from the album Gaucho:

a fool in love / with time to kill.

Elise argues: As girls, we were hemmed in by only the most undesirable of alternatives. Becker’s pervasive dreams led him to drive the band deeper and deeper underwater, as it were, and to steeper and steeper levels of aural perfection. Following the first two albums produced in the LA Aquariumiii Becker persuaded the band to record in a local reef for their third 1974 album Pretzel Logiciiii. But it was not enough.



i Some say she was beautiful like a tyrant. Some say she was beautiful like a mystic.

ii It is little known but William Burrough’s eponymous sex toy, for which Steely Dan was named, was itself christened after a notorious Humboldt squid (the species known to the locals as El Diablo Rojo) that terrorised the coastline of Chile over a span of five years in the late 1940s.

iii the title of the second album Countdown To Ecstasy (1973) refers to Fagen and Becker finally being allowed on the glass boat tour of the shark tank.

iiii the title here referring to their observations of coral formations.



v

BUT I NEVER TOUCH DEATH /

ONLY SHOW IT THE GREAT MORBID SCREAM OF MY BODY

AND THAT IS ENOUGH.

Arendt speaks of loneliness as ‘the experience of not belonging to the world at all.’ After their third album Steely Dan retreated to the studio and ceased playing live entirely. Galileo, famously lonesome, was in 1610 the first to observe Jupiter’s moons, Europai among them. He put forth compelling evidence against Earth’s supremacy: that it was not, contrary to popular belief, the centre of the universe.

[his brow is gentle. he answers to power and longing. he is as sheer and white as silence and he waits]

Coincidentally, on Steely Dan’s fourth album Galileo’s Cat (1975) Fagen sings of how its titular subject passed:

beneath cherry trees in the night-time /

cherry trees in the night-time.



i Some say she threaded whips from flowers and lashed his white bristled bull shoulders until he fled blood-maddened. Some say she was beautiful like a daisy.



v

NOW DEATH PLAYS SOLITAIRE

ON MY NON-EXISTENT TONGUE.

[The brink. a butterfly place. You could tremble eternally on the wiry branch]

And what was did he want for? Of course to ‘pass beneath’ is to bow long and low; low beneath the stars and long beneath their weight and myriad implications. Perhaps we can look to Becker, who dreamt of wet nothingness, of silence, of the purest recording conditions imaginable. Galileo tried to find an end to the cosmos only so he could feel embraced.i Elise writes: What we found was that a girl, by her very nature, was incessantly infringed upon; and began to see that the world sought by its own rules to immolate us anyway.

i What he discovered of course drew him only deeper into universal insignificance.

i

I HUNT HIM, PATIENTLY.

I HAVE ALL THE SAD TIME IN ALL POSSIBLE WORLDS

And what happened on Europai during that impenetrable summer? Arendt writes of the ‘people for whom the distinction between fact and fiction […] no longer exist.’ ‘Walt,’ said Fagen, sipping kirshwasser from a shell, ‘you’re dreaming.’ But to Becker the dream was so real it was almost an inevitability.

[moon chandeliers whipping above. in the discursive wind. beneath spin all your dreams. broiling and counting time]

Perhaps, like Becker, from the primordial depths of space and in the language of longing, they began to understand a proposition. It spoke of vast opalescent lagoons and the desire of forever, but primarily it spoke of the annihilation of love. Elise writes only: In many respects it was little more than a dream, and by the time you read this it will be one. But we have always felt that dreams have far outshone reality.

[to hold only the red hands of going. frostbitten and strong. a ribbon of girls in space]

As Fagen sings on Aja:

this is for me /

the essence of true romance. ii



i All agree that it was only on the hills picking flowers did she feel herself unseen.

ii But of course we are all seen by Zeus, and a woman seen is a woman rapeable, or a woman takeable, and we are all women seen, as some say.



i

FOR EVEN MY WHITE CARCASS

WILL DEFY ALL POSSIBLE GODS,

EFFORTLESS AS A NAME.

Made unknown by their absence, only a cacophony of girls in the dream of the world; the final entry in Elise Clarke’s journal is as permeable as it is dire. Perhaps I live now in the water house, she writes, in the restaurant at the end of the world. Perhaps the doorway has a decal of cherry blossoms, and perhaps I pass through whenever I please.

Perhaps this was the promise of Europa’si handsome and solitary bachelor. It is little known but, as Fagen sang about the event later on his solo record Nightfly:

on that train all graphite and glitter /

undersea by rail.

The band strapped on their spandex jackets and descended to the deepest point in the Mariana Trench to record their final album Gaucho (1980). Some say Steely Dan himself provided backup vocals on the title track; some say Becker is down there still.

It is whatever the papers tell you—where we are going, we have no need for patriarchs.

As Fagen sings on ‘Deacon Blues’:

so useless to ask me why /

throw a kiss and say goodbye.



i All say they walked together into the sea.









THE EUROPA SANCTUARY: AN ECLIPSE PHASE SCENARIO

By Lev Lafayette



Inspiration

Ruby Constance's experimental poem-essay, "Subterranean Cephalopod Blues or 12-bar essay on primordial longing via steely dan" is reminiscent of the magical realism short stories of Jorge Luis Borges combining reality with the sort of fiction which, whilst often highly improbable is at least possible (for example, the suggestion that in the first paragraph: "It is not widely known but the discography of Steely Dan was recorded entirely underwater in the hours between midnight and 4:30AM". Throughout the story there is a novel merging between the lyrics of Steely Dan and the writings of Hannah Arendt, whose detective-novel style would often make unexpected revelations in political theory that were historically grounded. Arendt, of course, is simultaneously famous for her insistence that only through political action that freedom could be achieved, and yet her earliest work describing love as not only being apolitical but anti-political, but is united in her sense of meaningful engagement, "amor mundi" ("love of the world"). As for Steely Dan, the band's name is derived from William S. Burroughs where, in The Naked Lunch where it refers to a rubber strap-on penis. For the band it forms a collective persona (Chris Rolls, "Interview with Donald Fagen", 2006), an unrepentant male ("Steely Dan is guys without girls") character with many problems and defence mechanisms. The juxtaposition between the analytical narratives of Arendt and the misanthropic and cryptic lyrics of Steely Dan meet in an impulsive adventure.

In Constance's narrative, adolescent women seek to escape patriarchal systems and structures by fleeing to Europa, ("it turns out you can make a spaceship out of anything"). Europa, known in the real world for its potential for extra-terrestrial life (in this case, the narrative is literally other-worldly), is indeed home to such a being ("he lurks. beneath the ice flats. huge white bull scraping. huge squid hooves. in dust. collecting flowers"). In Hellenic myth, Europa was a Phoenician princess who, whilst gathering flowers, was abducted by Zeus in the form of a bull. The degree that Europa was a willing partner in this is controversial; the myth says she caressed his thighs and mounted his back, but it was from then that Zeus stole her away and took her to Crete where he eventually revealed his true form; Europa would then become the first Queen of Crete. In this re-telling of the narrative, Constance redevelops the conflicting story in a novel manner placing additional seductive agency with Europa ("Some say she only collected flowers on the hillside to tempt gods to fall upon her. Some say he tripped. And he was very far, in the sky, his god eye falling. It was a long way to fall", c.f., the Spanish saying "¿No te dolió cuando te caíste del cielo?"). Ultimately however, with impulsive freedom (c.f., Steely Dan's "Deacon Blues", "You call me a fool / You say it's a crazy scheme / This one's for real I already bought the dream /So useless to ask me why / Throw a kiss and say goodbye), the Zeus figure is overcome: "where we are going, we have no need for patriarchs".



Warning: The following content contains mention of sexual slavery and graphic violence.



Synopsis

A conversion of this poem-essay to an Eclipse Phase scenario necessarily involves substantial changes. Even to the most experienced roleplayer a story whereby reality and fiction is consistently merged and where narrative is non-linear would be challenging at best. Instead, several motifs, character elements, and themes are incorporated into a more conventional narrative suitable for an RPG experience. In order to provide a foundation for players of different games, in the Eclipse Phase RPG transhumanity has spread across the solar system with vastly different political and social systems. Earth, however, has been largely abandoned following an event known as The Fall, when military and other Artificial Intelligences (TITANs) turned on transhumanity wiping out some 90% of the population as an interdiction cordon was put into place around the homeworld. In the last desperate days many transhumans fled Earth by giving up their physical bodies and beaming their egos into space, hoping to be picked up by a receiving station. Player-characters in Eclipse Phase take up the role of agents for Firewall; a cross-factional independent organisation that goes beyond normal legal structures to protect transhumanity from existential risks, such as the rise of rogue AIs, exotic diseases, or threatening extraterrestrials.

In the course of this scenario, a Firewall agent cell (i.e., a PC group made of low-level "Sentinels") are initially contacted by a Firewall Proxy (higher level agents) concerning the theft of a spacecraft and escape of indebtured workers. An agent within the spacecraft reports that the escaped workers are heading to Europa where they have contacted an extraterrestrial intelligence. Through a front organisation, Firewall has arranged a meeting with the owner of the company that "employs" these workers in the hope of transmitting their agents to the spaceship, whereupon the employer believes they can overcome any local resistance and return the ship and his AWOL workers. The Agents will, however, find that their loyalty is much more likely to be toward the workers when they discover the nature and conditions of their employment. In the course of the journey, it is revealed that the workers have indeed contacted an extra-terrestrial intelligence on Europa who is offering them sa
nctuary in exchange for technology. But to add a further complication, the ship's AGI decides to turn on the workers at a critical point after retiring their contact, testing the loyalties of the Agents, whether they fulfil a bid for freedom and potential alien contact or their supposed contractual obligation. A final potential challenge is the encounter with the extra-terrestrial force, which can potentially see the retirement of the agents in a number of ways.



Act One: Proxy Briefing

The Sentinels are contacted by the Proxy, "Das Frettchen". As is common with meetings with Das Frettchen, he will establish a virtual meeting, meaning that will be a slight delay between wherever the PC Sentinels are and his participation. This suits Das Frettchen, who likes to provide most of the information with a degree of gravitas. The virtual environment that Das Frettchen will choose suits his aesthetics; a large room, filtered light, oversized meeting table. Das Frettchen character appears almost elderly, whispy sandy hair, utterly Caucasian, his immaculate dark suit just providing a hint of the astounding physique underneath.



Das Frettchen
Real Name: Charles Chesler Searle III
Known Aliases: Too Many To List
Known Affiliations: NSA, CIA, Llewelyn’s Offworld, Extropians
Server: Unknown
Role: Eraser, Router
Specialty: Black Ops
Age in AF 10: 99

Primary Location: Valles-New Shanghai, Mars An Anglo-American public school and spook chum of Bainbridge’s who some of the Eye's more progressive elements wish had never been brought into the fold, Das Frettchen (aka, "The Ferret") is nevertheless Firewall’s go-to when a mess needs cleaning up with extreme prejudice and no one else has the stomach for it. Searle worked for various intelligence agencies before striking it rich in the insurance business. Old fashioned, bigoted, and unapologetically classist,

Das Frettchen is staunchly Extropian in outlook and Catonian in embodying Firewall’s conservative nuke-it-from-orbit clique. Not quite an oligarch himself, he moves in the same circles and has access to some of the most powerful people on Mars. Searle is extremely well connected in the big Martian cities and is especially proprietary—in a way that infuriates many -toward Valles-New Shanghai.

(From "Firewall", p103)



Das Frettchen will begin by explaining a typical description of The Fall from Earth and the escape of Infomorph refugees. The following is from the Eclipse Phase Core Rulebook.

"During the last phase of The Fall and the evacuation of Earth, more than four hundred million refugees were uploaded and egocast to orbital databanks. From there, infomorph refugees were beamed to databanks throughout the solar system. They were forced to flee Earth without any of their possessions, even their bodies. Instead, they became infomorphs who had nothing beyond their minds and memories—the most destitute group of refugees ever to exist in human history. In the years since the Fall, large numbers of these infugees have been resleeved. Anyone with valuable skills was first to gain a morph, followed by anyone with friends or relatives already living in orbit who could take responsibility for the person’s resleeving.



Those two groups accounted for only half of the refugees. The remaining found themselves in a far more difficult situation. Lacking either personal contacts or vital skills, they had no one else to help them. In the first few years, many of these infugees signed contracts promising their labor or other services in return for resleeving and a guarantee of some form of income sufficient to support them. Because of the critical labor shortages in the first five years after the Fall, another thirty percent of the refugees managed to regain bodies (usually cheap synthmorphs). These indentured servants performed all manner of critical tasks, ranging from scavenging ruined habitats for useful devices to mining or asteroid herding. Others became servants or bodyguards for the rich, or performed less moral services for criminal syndicates."

Das Frettchen goes on to describe how, at the time of The Fall, a group of internatio
nal female junior high school students were engaged in a tour of the European Union's spaceport at Kourou, French Guiana (the French, even in the 22nd century, still retain imperialist colonies). Well-meaning security and engineering staff shepherded the youngsters to the rather good infomorph facility the space station egocasting them to low-orbit as the station was subject to all sorts of attacks by TITAN-controlled drones, etc (see the video "Best of Oblivion Drones" to get an idea what these are like https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEby9OkePpg). Unfortunately for the students, their informorph beams were intercepted by a certain Theodore Odin Epstein.

Theodore Odin Epstein, a combination of gangster, well-connected businessman, and sexual abuser, was hardly going to let an opportunity like this go to waste. Capturing the egos of the schoolgirls in his prize spaceship he issued an ultimatum that they couldn't refuse; work for him as indentured labour or have their egos deleted. Worse still for the students, with the Euro valueless due to The Fall, his demand for payment was in Planetary Consortium Hypercorp Dollars which, of course, they had none. For the past decade these schoolgirls have been working off their substantial debt (and interest), being resleeved into Neotenic morphs for sexual services for various wealthy clients. When they were not working they were returned to their databanks to ensure that their minds were "kept young".

A few days ago, the workers rebelled whilst Epstein was attending a business meeting on Mars. Led by Spinelle Galloway who has shown substantial skill in computer operations and spaceship management, they killed his all of the security forces present, several clients, and a clone of Epstein. Further, the stole his prize ship, "The Steely Dan". According to a contact (Sarah Croche) that Firewall have on board of the ship, Spinelle has promised that she has found an alien contact on Europa, that will lead them to freedom in a new home beneath the ice. Epstein has offered a sum of 1,000,000 hypercorp credits, with 10% payable in advance to the selected team who can return his ship and his workers.

The Sentinels will cover as a extraction team in a shell company (Fifty Ten Shell, aka "cinquante dix coque") with a Firewall-constructed fake history of successful missions. The company will use the cunning ruse that they have a proprietary technology that allows them to lock on and break into ego-casting receiver stations which can then inject a program to allow resleeving. No such technology exists, of course, and they will actually be resleeved by Sarah Croche. An interview with Epstein is already planned on Mars. It is up to the Sentinel team to work out who their spokesperson is, etc. The Firewall mission is to establish contact with the alien on Europa, evaluate whether it is not an X-risk, capture or eliminate if it is, and report back to their Proxy.

Understandably there will be some questions to Das Frettchen. For example they may have some questions on the legality of Epstein's contract (e.g., whether the students were of legal age to sign a contract, whether they signed a contract under duress, etc). Das Frettchen will be annoyed with such a line as it outside the concerns of Firewall - the X-risk should be focus. Nevertheless, he explains that Epstein ensured that when contracts were signed, they were done so under the hypercorp jurisdiction that was most beneficial at the time and was quite prepared to move from location to location. Further his small army of lawyers and - "let's call them paralegals" - have prevented any contest. If the Sentinels ask how Firewall recruited an agent on the Steely Dan, Epstein will smile but say that the Sentinels don't need to know that.



Act Two: The Job Interview

The second scene is the job interview, which will be held in a hired industrial warehouse above Olympus Mons. Epstein will demand that they attend in person, rather than through a virtual meeting as he wants to test the character's acumen. Arriving at the docking station, the Sentinels will welcomed by a security person in a Martian variant of a Bruiser Morph. The muscle introduces himself as The Baron, and takes the Sentinels to a medium-sized warehouse where the security guard, clearly a person of technical skill as well as brawn, will explain that various items of equipment that are of a similar design to what they will find on the Steely Dan, this include an aerospace control panel, a network cabinet, the login node for a ship's computer, a life support control panel, a robotics repair station, a resleeving pod, a lifeboat pilot's station, and a weapons rack. The Baron explains same basic make and model information for each of the items saying that these were spares for what is found in the Steely Dan.



Leaving the warehouse proper, the Sentinels are then taken to Epstein's interview room and office where he will conduct the interview in person, along with a wizened woman in a Menton morph (Hazel Wort), a secretary in a Theseus morph with a hodge-podge of recording equipment (Dorothy Oz), and The Baron. The lead in the interview will be Epstein, in his Neo-Pig morph and who will introduce everyone else present. Epstein will tell the Sentinel's that they can call him "Big TOE" or "Uncle Ted". There is also quite a lush feast and plenty of drinks, and vapourizes of orbital hash, all of which Epstein encourages the Sentinels to eat and drink to their fill. Indeed, he is quite disparaging of those who don't and even hints that they won't get the contract unless they show a sense of acceptance of his generous hospitality.



In the course of the interview, Dorothy Oz will remain silent, but will clack away furiously on her assortment of communication devices when the characters are introduced or say something pertinent that requires her to check social media. Hazel Wort will ask technical questions about the break-in technology, which will require a number of successful InfoSec and Programming checks to remain convincing, or perhaps a Deception check if any of these fail. A Persuasion check is also necessary to convince Dorothy that a line of questioning will infringe on Fifty Ten Shell's intellectual property.



Epstein will let Dorothy do most of the questions but will encourage a festive atmosphere. He will emphasize that whilst he doesn't want any of his "merchandise" damaged during the course of recovery, they can take what liberties they like with the indentured servants once the Steely Dan is secure. If anyone asks about Big TOE's unusual choice of morph, their Muse will quickly remind them of the unusual sexual anatomy that male pigs are known to have ("just as well he doesn't have an echidna morph", the Muse will add). Throughout Epstein will be crass, boorish, and lecherous. He is a thoroughly dislikeable character who wins influence through either plying people with drugs or intimidating them with goons, and should be played as such.



Naturally enough, Epstein has drugged all the Sentinels. Any characters with Medichines will not suffer the effects of the alcohol or orbital hash. Hash allows the character to ignore the effects of 1 trauma, but inflicts a –10 penalty on all memory-related tests and Knowledge Skill Tests. Alcohol will inflict at -10 penalty on all skill tests, but a +10 bonus for social skills among those who have also imbibed. Epstein is not trying to cripple the Sentinels and his nano-sedatives merely impart an additional -10 penalty on all physical, mental, and social tests that kick in just after the interview and party finishes.



At this stage, The Baron returns to take the Sentinels back to the warehouse room, where there is a shocking discovery - everything has been "professionally broken". This is a test on how the Sentinels will perform under a crisis situation on the Steely Dan. And yes, The Baron is polite enough to explain that they have been drugged "to simulate a stressful environment". The Sentinels have two hours to fix everything. The following items of equipment, relevant skill, time, and dependencies are as follows, and can be repeated later in the scenario when the ship’s AGI, Rikki, attempts to wrest control of the ship from the Neotenics. After all, this is supposed to be training.



Electrical Generator: This must be fixed first in order for anything else to work. It will require a Hardware (Industrial) check that will take 10 minutes.

Network cabinet: Hardware (Electronics) (20 minutes), followed by an Interfacing (5 minutes) to break the system online. All following computerised systems will require this system to be online.

Login node for a ship's computer: Hardware (Electronics) (10 minutes), followed by an Interfacing (10 minutes) to break the system online and connect to the Network which also must be repaired. All following computerised systems will require this sytem to be online.

Aerospace control panel: Hardware (Aerospace) (20 minutes), followed by an Interfacing (5 minutes) to break the system online.

Life support control panel: Hardware (Industrial) (20 minutes), followed by an Interfacing (5 minutes) to break the system online.

Robotics repair station: Hardware (Robotics) (20 minutes), followed by an Interfacing (5 minutes) to break the system online.

Resleeving pod: Medicine (20 minutes), followed by an Interfacing (5 minutes) to break the system online.

Lifeboat pilot's station: Hardware (Industrial), followed by an Interfacing (5 minutes) to break the system online.

Weapons rack: Hardware (Armorer) (20 minutes). This is independent of computer and electronic systems.



As should be self-evident there is insufficient time to repair all the kit sequentially; multiple characters must operate simultaneously. If they fail a skill test, they may attempt again with the same time cost. To make matters more interesting, the Sentienels will also be attacked by several Servitor bots (core rules, p346) who will be quite a nuisance. This is to simulate a potential attack by Uncle Ted's workers. Naturally enough, the Sentinels will be unarmed having checked any weapons in at security.



Servitor Move: 4/20 Max Velocity: 20 Armour: 4/4 Durability: 30 Wound Threshold: 6 Enhancements: Access Jacks, Extra Limbs (4)
COG COO INT REF SAV SOM WIL
10 25 10 25 10 20 10


The purpose is to stress the Sentinels. Unless they tragically fail at everything (in which case punish the Sentinels with -4 points Reputation loss among Firewall) they will get the contract and Rez points (p384) depending on their degree of success. Following the test at the job interview, the Sentinels can return to their own base, wherever that is. Shortly afterward they will receive another contact from Das Frettchen to report to an ego-casting centre.



Act Three: The Steely Dan


The Sentinels will be ego-cast from a Firewall-friendly Martian orbital base to the Steely Dan, where they will be resleeved. A direct assault on the Steely Dan or interception is not considered viable due to the potential of damaging the ship and the "merchan
dise". The ego-casting process itself takes a few minutes to lock on and transmit where at the Steely Dan Sarah Croche will receive the Sentinels. As always, adjusting to a new body takes time effort and the Sentiels will be subject to Integration, (p. 271, Core Rules) Continuity (p. 272, Core Rules) and and Alienation (p. 272, Core Rules), tests. Perhaps most disturbing for some, all Sentinels will be re-sleeved into neotenic morphs.



"Neotenics are transhumans modified to retain a child-like form. They are smaller, more agile, inquisitive, and less resource-depleting, making them ideal for habitat living and spacecraft. Some people find neotenic sleeves distasteful, especially when employed in certain media and sex work capacities."

Implants: Basic Biomods, Basic Mesh Inserts, Cortical Stack

Aptitude Maximum: 20 (SOM), 30 (all else)

Durability: 30

Wound Threshold: 6

Advantages: +5 COO, +5 INT, +5 REF, +5 to one aptitude of the player's choice; neotenics count as a small target (–10 modifier to hit in combat)

Disadvantages: Social Stigma (Neotenic) trait

CP Cost: 25

Credit Cost: Expensive



There are several other morphs in the resleeving centre, including a dozen Pleasure Pods for clients, a few Worker Pods for maintenance work, and a spare Fury for security purposes. Sarah will explain that these are not suitable for the subterfuge required to infiltrate the other neotenics on the Steely Dan. The identification provided is for a few asocial workers who have been engaged in ship's electrics, plumbing, and the like. The real characters very recently have met an unfortunate accident courtesy of Sarah, who has been generous enough to keep their cortical stacks for re-sleeving if everything goes right. As always, many Firewall agents are prepared to murder friends to ensure the realisation of an X-Risk, and Sarah is one of these characters. The Sentinels will be provided a review of their identities which will take about several hours to superficially pass, with a Deception check required for more determined tests. The morphs will pass a nanotat scan, but not brainprint test (p279-280 Core Rules). Players will have the opportunity to give their false identities a witty name, which will generate +1 Rez at the GMs discretion. Character sheets should also be prepared for the GM. If any Sentinel asks Sarah was recruited into Firewall, they are also awarded +1 Rez with the additional benefit of discovering that Das Frettchen was one of Theodore Epstein's clients.

The total complement of the ship is some twenty-five egos in neotenics (eighteen female, five male, one without genitals, one hermaphrodite - all according to the "market requirements"), two in (repaired) Furies, and three in worker pods. The two egos in the Fury morphs had significant previous experience in martial arts and carry Freezer rifles (p 341, Core Rules), as does Spinelle. These were the weapons of choice for Epstein on the ship to deal with unruly workers and had them designed to look like phalluses, firing a sticky pearl-coloured liquid.

As can be expected from their experiences, all except three of the "workers" have ended up with 1-3 Psychological Disorders (p211-214, Core Rules). The most common are Addiction, Body Dysmorphia, Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, General Anxiety Disorder, Impulse Control Disorder, Multiple Personality Disorder, and especially Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Notably Spinelle does not have any disorders as such, (apart from a murderous pathology that will become evident), instead has a Watts-MacLeod Exsurgent strain variant (p368 Core Rules), infected through psychic contact with the Zeus alien. This is, of course, unknown to everyone else, who were informed that an alien intelligence contacted Spinelle and offered sanctuary if they arrived at
Arion on Europa.

It is expected that the Sentinels lay low for a few days, collecting such information as given above. The prior egos that inhabited these morphs had a plumbing maintenance review to conduct, which is sufficient to allow them significant access to the ship along with some contact with fellow crew-members. Most of the ship's functions are carried out by a ship's Artificial General Intelligence (AGI) which has named itself "Rikki Ducornet", from the real-world character from the Steely Dan song, "Rikki Don't Lose That Number" (1974). However, minimal transhuman intervention is necessary especially given the limitations that have been placed on AGIs to prevent another TITAN X-Risk (p48 Core Rules), and of course, the need to interact with the real world. Epstein thought it economical to train the workers in the various functions and logistics in managing a spacecraft (see the skill list in Act Two), whilst they were not in their usual employment or in deep sleep. Whilst this was a good choice for a decade, it also provide the opportunity for a successful mutiny.

True to the style of Epstein, the Steely Dan is designed in the shape of a giant phallus. The testicles house the engineering and fusion rockets that provide thrust and long distance travel. The shaft consists of two levels; the lower level houses the electronics and plumbing and, close to the testicles, storage, life support, the resleeving centre, the egocasting centre, the medical centre, and deep-sleep info pods etc. The upper level consists of various sleeping/working quarters, whilst the head of the phallus consists of the ship's computer, the bridge, and docking station. Note that the sleeping/working quarters are designed according to client preferences; some rooms are gaily painted with idealised farmyard scenes, others with characters from children's cartoons, nearly all have an excess of fluffy toys etc. The neotonic morphs were also provided with appropriate clothing with little alternative. Nearly everyone are still dressed in such outfits, although a majority have converted them to something more expressive of their own individual style; 1970s punk seems to have a curious revivial upon the Steely Dan and there is one character who has adopted "freikorpkulture" as their preference.





Act Four: Cleaning Out The Pipes



Rikki Ducornet has a hidden agenda, unknown to the rest of the crew. Loyal to Epstein but playing along, Rikki has received a message (using Public Key Cryptography, p 254, Core Rules) from Epstein to expect the Fifty Ten Shell recovery crew and assumed that Sarah's murderous actions were a temporary requirement. However, unless the Sentinels make some sort of effort at taking control of the ship and fulfilling the Epstein contract, Rikki will become increasingly suspicious. Hiding conversation from a ship's AGI is very difficult at the best of times and Rikki almost certainly is aware that the Sentinels and Sarah are working for some organisation called "Firewall" and that their real job is not to recapture the crew and ship and return all to Epstein's thrall, but rather to engage in risk assessment of the alien lifeform on Europa. Because all ship computers have a manual root-level override in case of a system going haywire (i.e., making independent decisions contrary to the express desire of operators), Rikki can't simply take over the ship in all but the most exceptional of circumstances. Subterfuge is necessary.



Rikki correctly identifies Sarah as the link between the Fifty Ten Shell recovery crew and this Firewall organisation, and therefore has decided that Sarah needs to be eliminated and, if possible, implicate the Sentinels or at least create a situation where they are extremely busy. Rikki's approach involves waiting for a moment when Sarah is about to visit the Sentinels for a routine checkup on the electrical connections between the resleeving and medical centre, and the ship's main power. In doing so, they traverse past the fusion rockets, which inexplicibly vent completely destroying Sarah's morph and stack (see p20 Core Rules for destroying a Cortical Stack). With normal protocols, Sarah's backup for resleeving is two weeks old, that is before she has any knowledge whatsoever of the Spinelle's contact of the Zeus alien, before the successful mutiny on the Steely Dan, before murdering the original maintenance crew, before being told of the Fifty Ten Shell recovery crew, etc. To say the least, apart from the usual issues with resleeving, Sarah has a lot of catching up to do.



Meanwhile, as expected, Spinelle assigns the Sentinels to work out what went wrong. Rikki will be very helpful in providing basic information, such as when the vent opened, the kilojoules of destructive force, the effects that this had on the morph and stack, but also expresses a complete loss on how it happened, but helpfully suggests that the crew engage in thorough Hardware (Electronics), Hardware (Industrial), Hardware (Aerospace) skill checks. Each of this takes a day for a thorough investigation and by this stage, there is only three days before waypoint on Europa. A success in each of these tests indicates that there is nothing wrong with any of the subsystems. A sufficiently supsicious Sentinel may consider the possibility that Rikki is behind Sarah's destruction; aware them +1 Rez. They will have to go through the digital intrusion process (p254-257, Core Rules) and taking extra time through probing (p117, Core Rules) is an act of sanity; anything less than Hiddent Status/Admin Privileges will be a disaster as Rikki will spring into action and seek to immediately destroy the Sentinels by any means at their disposal, before moving to take over the ship.



Rikki's approach will depend where the Sentinels are located. If they are (foolishly) in the engine room they will suffer the same fate as Sarah. A regrettable loss of morphs from the business perspective, but necessary for the greater gain of the ship as a whole. Blocking the Sentinels from communication systems will be priority. Of course, if a Sentinel hacker does get inside Rikki's mind unnoticed (very unlikely) they will discover that the AGI was the one who organised Sarah's morph destruction. In this case, they should contact Spinelle who will try to block Rikki's access on all levels (see Act Five for actions if this happens).



Act Five: A Very Europan Coup



Spinelle will direct The Steely Dan to an small equatorial station surface station on Europa called "Arion". The station was, until quite recently, an output of The Planetary Consortium where it served as an expensive resort where attendees could resleeve in Neo-Dolphin morphs and play in the waters of the asteroid. The Steely Dan and its workers had also docked at Europa in the past to provide services to delphíphiles, which is a pretty damn weird kink even for Eclipse Phase. Zeus killed the inhabitants after taking psychic control of them.



Just as The Steely Dan is about to reach Europa, Rikki will realise that the game is up and will make all attempts to take over the ship, disable the crew, and return the ship. This will involve secure-locking their own server room, pumping it full of fire suppressant (nitrogen, argon and carbon dioxide) which will knock out anyone entering, disabling systems, locking doors throughout the ship, turning off life support etc. Rikki's objective is not to damage the morphs (that equipment is valuable!) unless their own security is at risk. For narrative purposes, there will be casualties and drama is getting Rikki shut down, but ultimately the AGI will fail and manual control over the ship will be successfully asserted.



With Rikki overcome, The Steely Dan will easily dock at Arion base. Spinelle will encourage everyone to get off the ship and enter the base, directing them to a hall that has a glass panoroma of the ocean's surface. It is here that they will catch sight of the monstrous alien Zeus the giant psychic squid-like being with bull features, who will tap on the glass. Spinelle will tell the assembled throng to place their hands on the glass, which Zeus will scrape with his hoof-like "feet" on the end of his appendages. These hoofs actually have an extended touch range and Zeus can psychically manipulate objects through them; characters will exclaim that they can feel Zeus through the glass. The sensation is far from unpleasant.

In reality, Zeus is slowly probing the minds of the workers, and eventually planting Subliminal commands (p228 Core Rules) for a large group of characters to enter the waterlock; this may include one of the PC Sentinels who has the lowest Rez rating - serves them right. Naturally enough, anyone with biomorphs in the water will drown, creating panic among the handful of characters that resisted the Subliminal implants and any attackers will be subject to Photophore flash attacks initially then grappled with the huge appendages. Zeus will feed upon bodies of these morphs, but with a special interest in swallowing their stacks to take back to their community.



W hen this happens Spinelle will tap the Sentinels to help resleeve into a morph to have closer contact with Zeus and she'll go to the nearby resleeving facility which is adjacent to the hall. The only morphs there, are neo-dolphins, which with a sense of the aesthetic carries a large artificial rose in its mouth. Spinelle is undergoing her Integration and Alienation checks (which she will succeed for narrative purposes),



When integrated into their new morph Spinelle will use her own psychic powers via the dolphin morph to take control of Zeus. Zeus will, of course, attempt to resist and the opportunity for a set-piece battle between the speedy dolphin versus the multi-appendaged squid-bull alien forms a climatic conclusion of the scenario, in which either side can win.





Neo-Dolphin (from "Morph Recognition Guide", p61)

The uplifted versions of various dolphin species are very similar to baseline dolphins physiologically. Thanks to the oxygen reserve implant, neo-dolphins can stay underwater for longer (Cerean dolphins have gills installed, as the subcrustal sea has no breathable atmosphere above it). Common neo-dolphin germlines lack hands or other limbs, though cybernetic arms or even bioware enhancements are not uncommon.

Neo-dolphin morphs are very rare, since there are few habitats that can support them, and they are almost never found apart from aquatic environments.

Implants: Basic Biomods, Basic Mesh Inserts, Cortical Stack, Echolocation, Enhanced Hearing, Oxygen Reserve

Movement Rate: Swim (16/48)

Aptitude Maximum: 25

Durability: 30

Wound Threshold: 6

Advantages: +5 COO, +5 INT, +5 SOM, +5 to one other aptitude of the player’s choice, +40 Swimming skill, Ramming Attack (1d10 DV, use Unarmed Combat skill)

Disadvantages: Neo-dolphins lack a sense of smell.

CP Cost: 40

Credit Cost: Expensive (minimum 35,000)



Europan Squid-Bull (“Squonk”)

Implant Equivalent (Biological): Basic Biomods, Basic Mesh Inserts, Cortical Stack, Echolocation, Enhanced Hearing, Oxygen Reserve, Chameleon skin, Photophores

Movement Rate: Swim (16/40)

Aptitude Maximum: 40

Durability: 100

Wound Threshold: 30

Advantages: +5 COO, +5 INT, +20 SOM, +40 Swimming skill, Ramming Attack (2d10 DV, use Unarmed Combat skill), Bite Attack (4d10 DV, use Unarmed Combat skill), Photophore Flash (100% at 0-3m, 50% at 4-6m, 25% at 7-10m, disorientates and stuns for one round), Psi Level 2 (all Psi-Chi and Psi-Gamma sleights), Limber Level 2,

The brain of a squid-bull is semi-autonomous for each of the eight limbs, effectively providing one action per round per limb as long as they are continuing previous actions (e.g., grappling). Otherwise for new or changed actions they operate on their normal actions per round.

Disadvantages: Count as a very large target in combat (+30 to hit)


Zeus

As above

COG COO INT REF SAV SOM WIL
35 30 30 20 5 40 30
Control 60, Hardware: [Communications] 70, Infiltration 40, Interfacing 80, Palming 40, Perception 65, Psi Assault 60, Psychosurgery
80, Research 65, Sense 70, Swimming 95, Unarmed Combat 60

Compared to many members of the species, Zeus is quite psychotic. One of the most intelligent of their species, Zeus was unfortunately the victim of a failed neurochemistry experiment conducted on themselves that left subtle and undetected damage to their mirror neuron system. The result is that Zeus has an enhanced intellect, but at the cost of their empathy. Whilst it is true that Europan squid-bulls (“squonks”) do consider themselves a superior species due to the psychic abilities compared to less-evolved conscious species like transhumans, Zeus has a particular interest in studying the minds of such species. Whilst the more empathic squonks have significant restrictions on psychosurgery of sapient beings without their consent, Zeus considers a limitation on psychic science investigation. Contacting Spinelle with the possibility of acquiring a number of transhuman stacks was an temptation that could not be ignored.


Act Six: Denouement

How does this all end? Perhaps the PCs manage to take control of the ship, avoid both the Spinelle and the monstrous alien Zeus and escape back to Firewall with quite a story to tell. If the PC Sentinels are consumed they might eventually find themselves in the alien world of squid-bulls, with various exotic underwater psychic technologies, or maybe they will join Spinelle and attempt to take on the Squid-Bulls. All of these certainly make for quite a campaign trajectory in their own right!


Europan Squonks


The Europan squonks are a high-salinity aquatic species that in some ways resemble Terran squid, but with with appendages that end with hoof-like pads, which have a short psionic range (about 10cm) that allows them to extend those psi sleights that are normally restricted to “touch” range.

Living in large, highly cultured but thoroughly alien communities, squonks have developed several exceptional technologies unique to their environment. Notably they do have extensive housing and civil engineering projects that funnel energy from underwater currents and volcanoes. This provides excellent transport and logistics channels. The volcanoes and currents are also a primary source of energy production, however there is also modest use of biofuels and limited use of saline gradient energy and piezoelectricity.

Squonk cities are densely populated and managed through a highly participative psychic consensus-democracy where not only the quantity of opinions but also the depth is evaluated and then averaged. Squonks have a highly developed sense of the dramatical arts, combining subtle and blatant changes in skin colour, limb movements, and emotional projection. Squonks are highly sensitive creatures to the point that they can even dissolve themselves out of grief, etc.

Whilst squonk conduct most of their communication through psionics and with change in skin colour to emphasise emotion, the habitats also have advanced sonar communication systems and saline towers that provide exceptional psionic communication over vast distances – even into space, like radio communication. It is from one of these towers where Zeus originally contacted Spinelle.

Squonk cities also have extensive underwater farming systems for the Europan equivalents of fish and seaweed and, even further away, deep sea mining systems for minerals and other resources. There are even small metallurgical plants, although these are largely part of academic research. Scientific research centres are found throughout Squid-Bull cities with exceptional research on environmental and ecosystem monitoring, medicine, and psychic development.












NOW A GODDESS (PART I)

By Owen Wylde



These are first-person notes from a Rolemaster campaign expressed in semi-story form; there will be four or five episodes in total.


Family (by Karen, Lady Finelfin)


I did not meet my grandmother until recently, but she was always somewhere in the background.


Apparently, she danced for a living before she settled to raise her children, including my mother.


But she influenced me in more ways that I imagined - I always loved to move, riding, running, gymnastics and dancing.


My parents were knighted for some good deed of which they said little to me, almost as if they believed they did not deserve the honour bestowed on them.


Leaving Home


After my 17th birthday, I alluded that I would go to see the world, beyond the mountains. Already trained in arts and diplomacy

with the elves and some things from the local dwarfs.


Understand that I am their only child, a daughter destined to have as many lovers as I desired, until I would betrothe to a young man, as befitting a Lady in this realm: Karen, Lady Finelfin I would be until my title changed by one of many ways known to Heralds and those with plenty of time to figure out such things.


A Gift and a Legacy


Of course, Mamma and Papa were perturbed by my ambition, but the night before I was to leave, Mamma approached me after I had gone to bed.


Karen, I know your will and I cannot hope to stop you”. She smiled, and said more. I forgot all that she said, but it was something like: “ These were your grandmother’s”.


Then an ornate ivory box was next to me on the bed, as if it was conjured up. Mamma opened the box and brought out eight exquisite bangles, each made in the shape of a creature and all looking well-crafted.


Then she told me “She willed these to you on your coming of age – guess this is the time.”


As far as she understood, the enchantments on the bangles will keep me safe on my journey.


Bone unicorn: For understanding of the minds of horses and similar animals.

Dolphin of rhodonite: A symbol of hope during sea voyagers.

Eagle of adventurine: Its glow somehow gave comfort.

Golden dragon It had garnet eyes and its mouth looking like it was emitting flames. The dragon is wrapped like a coil.

Panther of jet: Its eyes of green gems

Wolf (Silver): Red stones formed the eyes.


From that moment on they were mine and would always return to me, should I leave them, or they were stolen.


Mamma placed the dolphin, unicorn, dragon and wolf bangles on my right wrist and the eagle and panther shaped ones on my left.


We hugged tightly, our faces streaked with brine. A kiss and I fell back to bed, unable to sleep.


The bangles seemed to glow more than they should in the light of my reading lantern. They drew my attention after Mamma left the room.


One tap of a finger on the lantern swirled darkness into my boudoir. It was the last time it would do so for me. Those bangles felt as if I’d always worn them, like shoes that one has worn long enough take on the shape of one’s feet and the indentations of one’s gait. I fell into an easy sleep.


The next morning was a-blur: Bathed, dressed, breakfasted, provisioned and set upon my journey on horseback by in the pre-dawn glow. A feeling akin to sea-sickness welled up in me, but I already felt as if I pushed myself to the point of no return.


Stopping Some Rogues on the Way to Porthurst


To tell you about the first week would be like a spell of sleep: The sun and moons rose and set as they should, and I stayed in establishments of varying quality.


Upon rounding a bend in the road on the way to Porthurst, I spied some rascals ambushing and bailing up a lone rider, a messenger apparently carrying items of little value, other than any messages he was to deliver.


I rounded the corner and sneaked up behind the brigands, dismounted and drew my sword. They may have heard the latter, and my well-prepared battle stance gave me the advantage over them.


The melee was short, and they ran, wounded and maybe embarrassed to be defeated so easily.


I escorted the messenger safely to Porthurst, then went on my way in the city.


Reward?


I accepted an invitation for lunch with Neron Lyra.


A letter arrived just as I was dressing for the meal. It was addressed to “A Valorous Maiden” and sealed with symbols beyond my knowledge.


No wonder! The seal was from an envoy of the “Empire of the Holy Dragon”. Which dragon could that be? As far as I knew, no one had seen a dragon anywhere near Porthurst for a long time: Even the elves I know told me that they had never seen such a beast, and in Porthurst, surely someone would be selling its pelt, eyes and fangs, whilst making soup from the tonnes of remainders!


The letter was an invitation to meet the writer at the castle. Who did this man think he was, making such an invitation to a lady? But it would be difficult to turn down such an offer, without offending the mysterious man who fascinated me by the sheer mystery of his letter. Who is he? Is he a gentleman by habit as well as title? And what or whom is the Holy Dragon?


The letter was signed “Master Foo Wah”. What kind of name is that? A master of which Guild? Could he be one of the men whom Mamma sent to drag me to a temple for an “arrangement”?


At Luncheon with Baron Neran and Baroness Ariel Lyra


Neran, Baron of Salpen and his spouse, the Lady Ariel were visiting their summer residence. I believe that they were in their 50’s at the time. Unfortunately their son’s land and its water supply had been poisoned, making his holdings uneconomical to run. Who would do such a thing? I could not imagine, but then, I was from a smaller and less bustling place.


A Phenomenon Named Espinell


Ah yes, the Lady Portia Espinell must be mentioned, but it is safer to be careful with her name. It is only now that I am brave enough to call her a “cold bitch”, and with that .phrase I am being extremely diplomatic and guarded.

She is a noble of not inconsiderable beauty, but withered by her cruel nature. The Lady owns various establishments in the city - places that cater to the tastes, if that is the appropriate word, of other deprived nobles, where the laws of decency were ignored, or more correctly, simply not acknowledged.


Lady Espinell had her eye set on a man there - I admit he looked exotic, intriguing and I guess most of the women there were willing to explore his foreignness.


I composed myself enough to make small talk with most of the others there, except that “Lady”, who jostled herself closer and closer to the unusual man. Had she torn her clothes off there and then and jumped on the poor man, she would not have telegraphed her intentions more.


But he would have none of that. His shunning inspired her to erupt into a tantrum that even a child would be hesitant to perform.


Of course, the King loudly bade her to leave the event.


She did so, emitting oaths and vows to do various things I did not understand, nor would I want to.


The luncheon ended soon after that disruption.


A Mysterious Gift


A bag of 10 gold pieces, a letter of introduction to a local alchemist as well as small gift awaited my return to my rooms that afternoon.


I visited the healer Lady Juliana El Summers, reputed to be “one of the best”. Her teacher may not have been a healer as such, but had the right spells to teach her the arts of healing and comforting.


A Function that Sealed my Fate


I had been invited to a function, held later that day, to welcome the exotic man, whose name was written as “Lord Wah”.

Of course, I dressed in a formal, feminine outfit for the event. (Foo Wah stands 5ft 11, about 178 cm, 175 lbs, about 80 kg, just right and strong as well!)


I was seated near him. My bangles rattled and I noticed his sword started to glow faintly, as we supped and socialised. I ignored both events as the work of the trickster god, Rasregar. Following up his tricks rarely ended well for those who indulge him.


Musicians played pleasant music, at a level that did not prevent conversation.


A low moan from outside overcame the music and conversations for a short time. One of the guests, a man I only knew as Alan, said that that it was the wail of a “banshee” - a herald of danger, and that the following year would be one of torment. But what danger could befall us in the palace? Maybe the wail was a warning for me to return home, but I had not ventured out to be safe.


Our hosts decided to end the event on that disturbing note.


Alan kissed my right hand before I departed.


The returned safely to the manor. I said nothing of the warning to the maids who helped me prepare for bed that night. My bangles were safely stored in their box.


Visiting the Alchemist


I was on time for my appointment at a local alchemist's workshop, the next morning, to have a magical ring of protection made.


Alchemists' factories are located at the fringe of Porthurst, near tanneries and other pungent or “aromatic” trades


Elmortendean's Alchemy Place looked like a large house, whose chimney emitted orange smoke.


The alchemist helped cast spells into items, as well as overseeing the production of the usual potions, lotions and whatever else they usually made.


Juliana was there. She suggested teaching me a contraceptive spell, so I can choose when I would conceive and I could enjoy the pleasures of the flesh without worries. Oh and a disease repellent spell. What did she know that I did not? Or perhaps I already had a reputation!


She also suggested that I have a few more items made: Shoes with an ability to make me run faster, and gloves to make me more effective in fights, as well as for manipulation.


The prices seemed reasonable. I made a part-payment, with the rest payable on delivery and proof that they worked as intended.


I returned to the manor to rest and prepare for the next day.


(January 20, 796))


Breakfast, just after sunrise, was simple but adequate: Peppered eggs on toast, with lightly fried tomatoes, followed by brewed coffee.


The manor's small front garden is a low forest of food plants and herbs for every condition imaginable.


It was on a 7m by 20 m rectangular block of land. The residence was set 3m back from the front fence. Its back gate led to a laneway.


The high class area of the city has a lot of small parks. Maybe it was ideal for discreet liaisons


By some caprice, my wanderings in the city a little later, took me near where Mr or Lord Wah, his apprentice, Jade and Alan were, wandering.


I noticed Alan divert a little from his path to “accidentally” bump into a merchant. Objects may have been transferred from one man to another, before the other realised it.


After approaching and politely greeting the two gentlemen, I joined them at an eating house named “The Stag's Tower”. Despite its name, it is a decent place, that has the mark of the King.


A greeter approached us as we entered, addressing me as ”Lady” and Lord Wah as “Sir”. That may have simply been the way people are greeted in such a place, unless they somehow knew our titles.


I had the birthright to introduce myself as “Karen, Lady Finelfin”, although I generally used my title sparingly, so as to not draw undue attention.


Lord Wah drew a set of tapered sticks, each about 250mm in length, with which to eat his meal, which consisted of pre-cut portions of meats and vegetables. He held the sticks between the thumb, forefinger and middle finger of his right hand to do so. It was hard to look away and eat my own meal. He did not drop a morsel, nor did he seem to rush his enjoyment of the meal.


Once my attention was back to the real world, I realised that he was parts of a story, between mouthfuls of food.


He dreamed about six bangles being given to a dancer in his home land. After the dream, he researched his ancestry, and found real images that looked like what he saw in his sleep. Such a story could easily be dismissed as a ploy to bed a naive maiden.


Lord Wah placed his sword, still in its scabbard, on the table. My bangles clanged in response.

He drew the sword from its scabbard. The dragon design on the handle glowed orange, My arms felt a bit lighter and I felt I could more them more smoothly.


The meal cost 20 gold: Alan left that, plus another 20 “For charity”.


Foo Wah picked up the second set of coins, and arranged for half to be given to one temple, and the same to another on the way.


We decided to test the magic of our items.


After leaving the Stag's Tower, we found a gymnasium,surrounded by a 1m high fence.


Inside the place, Foo Wah drew his sword. My bangles tinkled again, and something stirred in me - but that was more likely admiration of his swordsmanship - that was before he flung the sword in the air in his enthusiasm!


We all managed to jump away from its landing place near the centre of the training area!


It was time to see Juliana for our Readings. Alan realised he had a map and some inscriptions, and I decided to not ask where he found or acquired anything. It is better not to know such things.


The healer took me to a room for a “scan”, some magical search into my background. Ha! I thought she’d tell me about my family and some of my past lovers, which anyone with a bit of time and a good network of friends could find out.


But this was different: She told me that my ancestry includes a succubus or an incubus and she, Juliana, could help me awaken and control that side of me.


Then she outlined some of the advantages of doing that: Greater beauty, ability to change my physical appearance, to look like someone else, or to be another woman, to increase my beauty to seduce, maybe even to fly without wings, to turn into a mist and control where I go in that form. I would be more agile and better at all physical skills.


During that talk, I felt somewhat enhanced - Juliana showed me to another room and shut the door - I checked out my naked body in a looking glass (mirror). Everything looked better. Maybe the looking glass was enchanted to boost my ego. But I was - perkier, and perhaps my bust had gained a cup size.


After admiring myself, I dressed and rejoined Foo, Alan and Juliana.


Juliana cast a spell to sterilise me, as a precaution. Only a healer could reverse it. I guess she’s wise.


But one day, I may want to have children.


Alan said that his scan showed his Fey ancestry.


I missed hearing the results of Foo’s scan, since I was fascinated by my new image reflected on various shiny surfaces in the room, as well as simply looking down at myself.

Both of the men looked better than when they went in to the healer's house.


Alan and Foo escorted me back to my lodgings. I walked a little slower than usual, to get used to the admiring glances of strangers.


We returned to the healer's house after breakfast the next day.


A man, who introduced himself as Errol Fleetfoot, arrived a little later. He said he was magus of enchantment, grabbed my hand, kissed it, then continued talking to Juliana. We paid for our new items, collected them, and left.


We rode out to meet Jade, who was waiting for us on her mule, just out of town. She told me she is a half-drake, as in the dragon, not the bird. It seemed that we all had hidden talents and unusual pasts.


Then we set out to discover what the world at large had to offer.


((Game date Friday, January 22, 796))


The city was no longer in sight when we stopped for a break and to rest the horses and Jade's mule.


Foo prepared a meal by attacking vegetables, rice and pieces of meat submerged in a broth in what appeared to be a deep shield, but the resulting food tasted all right.


As expected, the traffic thinned out, the further we travelled from Porthurst Errol ran alongside us then jumped about 45m above us every now and then. Jade did something similar, but did not leap as high, nor could she keep going as often as he.


We passed a carriage that belonged to to Sir Buccal, Count of Tarzia. His heraldic device was a red rooster on a silver field with three black stars.


Apple Haven was our first “port of call” out of Porthurst. One room was booked for Foo, Alan and Errol, and another for Jade, Juliana and me, in 1 of its 2 inns.

Our horses, and Jade's mule were properly stabled, before settling into our accommodation, then went to the dining area.


Errol enchanted some of the others’ weapons - I wasn’t sure of his motives.


Alan drew some pan pipes out of one of his pockets, and played the instrument well. Errol played his lute.


I prayed silently to Sharissa, the goddess of the dance, then danced to a few of their tunes. There was no compulsion or mystical charm involved, just my love of dancing, as well as my need to move and stay limber.


Someone bought us a jug of house spirit (drink) for our troubles.

The accommodation was comfortable and clean enough. Nothing was stolen from us during the night.


((Game date Saturday, January 23, 796))


We passed the local hunting grounds the next morning.


Our group reached a town a few hours before dusk. The locals seemed to give us a little more attention than seemed polite. It was more as if they were unsure how we would act, rather than open hostility.


The Huntsman's Rest seemed like a decent place to stay. It was lavishly decorated, and its prices seemed to fit the décor, whilst still being reasonable: A drink cost 1 bronze, and a meal, between 2 and 4 silvers. Our travelling funds seemed to be considerable, although I was not sure how long they would last, and how soon we would need to earn an income to sponsor our travels.


We set ourselves up there for the night, of course, after stabling the animals. I chose a meal of pork and lamb, with some salads, soup, a dessert and a glass of wine. Alan and Foo said that the prices were more then most places charged travellers.


Scrolls on one of the walls showed local news and other items of interest.

An article on one scroll was an allegation that a local lord had not fulfilled a contract to supply jewellery to another, but supplied fake items instead.


A horoscope for my birth month of January indicated that “Loud noises may help!”. Such things can be interpreted many ways, and whatever happens can seem to fulfil such “prophecies”. It could mean that I was to sing, shout, scream, moan loudly in ecstasy with a lover or lovers?


Framed animal heads of Elk, tiger, shark, as well as a huge tortoise shell and statues or taxidermied bodies of a minotaur, wyvern and a horned rabbit, adorned another wall. Something to be expected in an inn with such a name..


A woman passing by stopped to introduce herself as Pamela. We told her that we were travelling from Porthurst.


My solo after-dinner stroll may seem foolish, in hindsight, but I felt comfortable, and after many hours on a saddle, I wanted to feel normal again.


A few men walking in the same direction as I, invited me to join them at a dance club. I followed them on the way for a while, then my bangles tingled on my wrists. I took that as a warning and fled in another direction.


Those wanderings took me into a brothel, unintentionally, of course! A night with one of the men or women there may have been pleasant, but Foo Wah stepped in, to take me back to our accommodation, before I could weigh up my choices.. He'd seen me with two men on the street, and followed me, to be sure I was safe.


We checked out of the hotel, after a great breakfast, and continued whilst the sun was still low.


Foo cooked a meal, on our midday break, by attacking a mixture of rice and small pieces of meat and vegetables, inside a thing that looked like a small rounded shield, that he called a wok. The food tasted fine and was filling.


We noticed a significant reduction in traffic in either direction than the previous day.

Errol kept running along and leaping, quite often, rather than stay on his horse. Jade did something similar, but not as often.


We passed a few hunting groups in the morning.


The next morning, Foo and Juliana returned from exercising on the old fields, just as I was woke up in our camp.


I noticed that the man looked stronger and healthier, almost in perfect shape.


Later, I spoke to Juliana, away from the rest of the group about “sharing his dragon”.


After we packed up and left, I felt I had good reason to ride close to Lord Wah


We stopped at a clearing. Foo, Jade and Errol discretely changed into loose-fitting, cream coloured trousers and shirts, then stood in the space to perform synchronised exercises

Our journey continued after they finished and had discreetly changed back into their travelling clothes.


Foo told us of some of his beliefs as we travelled.


A few hours later, a robed man ran towards us, followed by 2 others, who may have been bandits. I recalled my first day out alone, before I met the current crew.


He stopped almost the same time we did, and pleaded to join us. The apparent bandits looked up at us and fled to one side of the road. We agreed to take him to the next settlement.

The man, perhaps a High Man, introduced himself as Thomas, a priest of the god of knowledge. (standing 2m tall and looked like he weighed 90kg)


Our group entered a river city, a few hours before dusk. Goods were delivered and sent by barges up and down the waterway. It seemed to be a walled palisade.


The Wheezing Boatman Inn” looked like a decent place to stay the night. It was a travellers' inn, seeming to be a 3 star establishment.

Magical lanterns lit its interior, brightly enough to see, but not enough to dazzle those entering.


The food was basic: Fruit, cereals, lamb, beef and river fish. Many patrons in there had magical symbols on their clothes.


It also had a small arena for magical fights.


Juliana booked the usual – a large room for the men, and another for the women.

Some of the other patrons, in the clothes of boat crews, wheezed from the fumes that permeated the air of the main room.


Foo entered the arena and drew his sword. Some of the other patrons looking in his direction averted their gazes, as if the sun suddenly shone from his blade. Perhaps they were sensitive to the sword's energies.


Juliana then took Foo upstairs for massaging, since he had exercised a lot that day.

After leaving him, she invited me to try my massage skills on him. He was on a bed, with only a towel on, to cover his lower half.


I tried what Juliana suggested, but seemed to make him feel worse.


He also had another response to my attentions, so I removed his towel, undressed, even taking off my bangles, and made it up to him with close embraces in various positions. It had been some time since I did such things, and I felt like I was floating.


Not unexpectedly, my bangles floated, and lined up, and his sword levitated then entered the tunnel they made, emulating our actions below.

Had Juliana groomed me just for that night? I have no idea how much or little sleep I had that night, but it was a deep sleep, and enough.


We dressed and went downstairs for breakfast the next morning. Alan was not there.

The weather was clear, but the air had a scent of rain and the streets were clean.


Some guards walked down the main street, behind 4 trolls, who were collared and their hands bound with ropes.

The guards said that their captives were part of a gang of raiders.


Alan returned to the inn. I guessed he had business to attend, or maybe a person to visit.

We re-stocked the wagon and left.


Juliana loaned me one of her books about massage and human muscle groups, whilst Foo trained Alan and Jade before our lunch break that day. She was both wise and diplomatic.


Our next break was for dinner and camping overnight.


Juliana alerted me to something flying in the distance, during our watch. I saw a large diamond-shaped object flying around. It was flapping parts of its sides as it moved, then dived toward us.


I drew my sword, as Juliana called for help. My first blow hit, but I was pushed back a little.
Then I saw it was carrying something on its back.


She swiped it with her weapon, and the creature fell, pulling down one of our tents.


The “object” on its back was a person. Both he rider and creature screamed and were bleeding.


The rider was about 1.2m tall, with a large, round head,large mouth and its had a yellow-green tint. It was a goblin.


I greeted the goblin in Elvish, which seemed to anger him or her, who rambled in a foreign language, cut itself out of the straps on its saddle, and from its backpack. It threw a small ceramic pot at me.


I jumped out of the way. The pot hit the ground and exploded into flame. One of the pieces and some of the flames struck me. With luck, I did not receive the full effect of that attack, but I was still wounded and bleeding.


Juliana rushed to attend to me.


Foo and Thomas chased the rider, but it outran them.

Once I was healed, I went into the wagon to change in to my decent dancing outfit. Foo cast a repair spell on my riding outfit.


I slept uneasily as some of the group cut up the creature, a sky manta, for parts to sell to components, which could be used to make, potions, spells and other things.


Dealing and selling manta parts.


We sold the glands of the creature for 20 gold, and 40 gold for its tail, which could still deliver shock bolts. That was a great boost to our collective funds.


Foo returned with one of the Sheriff's men, who needed to be healed from a bite by a goblin.

I stayed at the tavern, to sample the best wine and cheese available, without taking an excess of either. Drunkenness and gluttony are unbecoming of a Lady!


The items from one wagon were transferred to Juliana's.


We heard rumours that a human hired a goblin clan to stop the healer reaching her destination.


Errol returned. I bought him a great meal and one of the best house wines.

He told us the castle was in bad repair and many of those living there were ill.


Juliana took Thomas for magical diagnosis and enhancement, then returned to our room.

Next morning, she asked me if I wanted to be more beautiful. (+5 to APPearance)

I loaned her my dragon bracelet, in case helped. It flew back to me almost as soon as I removed it. Why was the healer interested in my looks? I already knew that I was by no means hideous.


Later, Thomas told a story in the common room of the tavern.


Alan, Juliana and I bought healing herbs and oils at the local shops.


A man stood in a doorway and called out to us as we passed by. He looked ready to travel, and held a 1m long quarterstaff.. His confident stance implied that he could take care of himself. He said he was travelling and asked to join us. We introduced ourselves to him, but I did not say my title. He was Olwyn Glendarough. My bangles clanged twice as the good-looking man stepped out of the doorway.


We bought a bottle of massage oil ((+5 to Massage rolls)), as well as some herbs and leaves.

Juliana visited a temple of Alastra, the goddess of harvest, fertility and healing. Alan and I sat at a tea shoppe, for a few cups of the local tea blend.

Someone ran past, babbling.

We left the shoppe, and Juliana caught up with us.

It seemed that Master Wah stopped a street fight escalating.

We returned to the inn, to pay for our time there, pack up and leave.


The terrain along our path became more hilly, and an old river bed became visible.

A castle loomed from atop one of the higher peaks, but seemed to be quiet. Castles are usually bustling communities, day and night.

At least the stone bridge to the nearby town looked new, and the river it spanned flowed rapidly. The settlement looked like it housed around 2000 people.

A tent city had been established some distance away.

Foo flipped the hood of his cloak over his head, after some of locals said he looked like an elf.

We ordered a room for the men, and one for us women, at an inn.

The innkeeper told us that if we could no longer stay there, if we go to the nearby tent city, where ill workers lived.


Foo, Thomas and Olwyn explored the area around the castle.

Thomas ran back to us, reporting that a skeleton was walking around the place, draining people.


I rode to the castle, with a bow, 6 arrow and a shortsword.

Alan walked with a woman, who was wrapped in a sheet. He introduced her as Alice, and said bandits took her from the fields a few days earlier.

He reported hearing blood-curdling scream earlier, then Jade ran in, but they heard nothing more and could not see the source of the sound.


The castle gates were open, so I called out “Hello in there!”.

Thomas looked out from a second storey window.

Other doors blasted open. Foo said that Olwyn was having fun with explosive magics.


I walked in with Alice and found a dress on the first level above ground, that would both fit and properly cover her. She changed where she could not be seen, then I held her hand and talked to her as we walked to the encampment.

Juliana approached us. I introduced her to Alice, and explained the situation.

It was too early to tell if the woman was pregnant. She had also drank some of the local water, which could make her ill.

Errol and Juliana would stay at the castle that night, then she would seek an elf to help.

Alan and I went to the ;local markets, then returned to the inn to sleep.

The next morning, I told the innkeeper that we would be camping outside the castle.

I handed Juliana her things, and asked the name of the elf she was seeking. His name was “Talen”, of the Lowforest Clan.


Thomas greeted us. Foo was studying. Olwyn helped me take supplies to the castle.

He asked Thomas about a fight with the bandit leader, then closed the gates behind us.

We found places to sleep.

Foo visited us after a few hours, and told us that the bandits drank from the well for 4 days, but did not get any diseases.

Alan told us that he helped capture a bandit, and wanted to use a torture ring on him. I stated a mild objection, then flounced out.


I dipped part of my unicorn bangle into a bucketful of water. That drained some of my energy.

Thomas declared hat bucketful had become good to drink. We decanted from it into clean jugs.

He detected poison in a bucketful of pond water. My bangle unicorn bangle confirmed that.

We went back upstairs to see the supposed captain of the bandits. Olwyn cast a truth spell on him, ending with “Answer all of our questions truthfully”.


Foo had a dialog with our captive:

What do you know about the undead?”

Some, including 5 skeletons and 3 zombies were in a nearby cave.


The captain volunteered that he “stumbled upon” the castle. People in the town told him that it was riddled with a plague, but he saw no evidence of it. The castle seemed deserted when he arrived with his crew.


How many were in that group?” 17, including himself.

Where would they be now?” They probably re-grouped in an abandoned farm, in a lightly-forested area, near some small hills, 6 to 8 km away.

What were you all doing in this area?” They wanted to gain some loot and move on.

What is your name?” Sloane.


He did not say if that was his given name, family name, or a nickname. That was not as important as everything else he told us, if the spell worked.


Alan administered a herbal brew to Foo and Sloane, before we retired to our new lodgings. If you must know, I slept alone in warm, clean comfortable bedding.


Foo woke first. He had released Sloane before I dressed, and walked into a common area.

The “Master” also left notes about the well, and that some of us should check out something under the entrance to the castle, later.


I found Juliana in town, and told her of our findings. Alice seemed to be recovering from her harrowing experiences.

Foo was there. He kissed the healer's hand and she flopped against him, verbally gushing at him like an adolescent girl.


Alan dragged her off him, muttering about the “tramp”.








































SPOOKY MOVIE REVIEWS OF 2023

By Garote



The Nun II (2023)



I was looking forward to this one with unreasonable excitement. The first Nun film was a hash of tropes, lazy misdirection, plot holes, and eerie special effects, and I had plenty of fun wallowing in the cheesy creepiness of it all. I figured that even if the second film was just a bunch of callbacks to the first and more special effects, I would be satisfied.



And it was! I admit, that's a very low bar to pass. But you just don't get many decent effects-driven horror films these days. I saw it on a blustery post-Halloween autumn evening, with the lights off and some cocoa. The retconned mythology made absolutely no sense, the motivations were flimsy, and almost all the scares were telegraphed way in advance or mercilessly spoiled by the trailer. But I didn't care! This is my pop-culture version of Twilight.



6 out of 10 foam-rubber statues up.



No One Will Save You (2023)



This scrappy and effective sci-fi film is directed by the same person who wrote it, and that clarity of vision really does wonders. I went in knowing only the basics: There's some kind of alien visitation thing going on near a house in the country and the occupants need to deal with it.



Here's what I didn't expect: The movie is a fantastic example of "show, don't tell", seeing as it contains barely half a dozen lines of dialogue, but still manages to communicate some very tricky information. The most impressive part of that is the pacing. Pacing is fantastically important but it's generally invisible when it's working, so we don't think about it. But this movie is edited in a way that gives the viewer time to assimilate information provided by previous scenes, or previous shots, while still moving the action along briskly the rest of the time.



That, some totally nutty creature designs, and an absolutely 100% committed performance from the lead actress made this a great watch for me.



7.5 out of 10 alien foot-toes up.




Evil Dead Rise (2023)



It would be hard to make the premise of the Evil Dead films feel fresh if they kept happening in a cabin in the woods, especially after the blast of trope-exploding irony that is The Cabin In The Woods, so this film wisely moves the action to a run-down apartment complex, which more people can relate to anyway. That alone wouldn't make it worth seeing, but there are two things that kept me watching until the end.



The first was the sound design. It's weirdly mixed, full of crunchy off-putting noise and chaos, and yet shows enough restraint to avoid getting annoying. I loved it. I'll probably play this movie again with the picture off, at some point.



The second was the loopy action. Mean things happen to good people in this movie. Then even worse things happen to them. Then entirely different mean worse things. It's so loopy that you're compelled to keep watching just to see what they think of next. Can I recommend this for people who've seen the first two (three?) films and like that blend of horror-comedy? Absolutely not. There's no intentional comedy here. Just lots of gore to inspire nervous laughter in the theater. But if that and weird sound design are your bag, give it a try. Put it on while you're doing chores!



5 out of 10 creepy stairwells up.



The Pope’s Exorcist (2023)



Derivative cheese, but entertaining. Everyone involved seems to know what they need to deliver, and how. Russel Crowe gets to mutter semi-spiritual hogwash like a Dan Brown character and alternate between cautious sleuthing and kicking down doors. The character is a balancing act in general: If he doesn't ham it up at least a little, we're not going to play along, but if he hams it up too much, we're not going to invest in him.



The universe of this film could effortlessly cross into the Nun franchise, and if that happened I would love every second of it.



Now, does that mean it's good? Well...



6 out of 10 suspicious hidden rooms up.



I.S.S. (2024)



The hook is perfect. You can describe it in 30 seconds: A crew of Russians and Americans sit looking out the window of the International Space Station as the Earth scrolls majestically below them, then they start seeing flashes of light, and soon both their countries are consumed in nuclear fire. Now what do they do?



It's timely, it promises hard space sci-fi shenanigans, and it's got cool special effects. Count me in! I should have known it was too good to be true because of the date: January is always a dumping ground for movies that have something wrong with them. In this case, it seems like the script is to blame, but it's really the direction.



I make that claim because I was all set to enjoy this movie and then less than two minutes into it, I felt a curious disconnection from the characters on the screen. Sure, they made stupid decisions, and it was impossible to square their aggression and stupidity with the obvious science and survival background that they should all possess. But all that happened later. The trouble was immediate: The things I was being shown were not anchored to a perspective with any emotional rhythm, nor did they advance the action. It was just information.



So, two minutes in, I gave in to my desire to fast-forward through entire scenes. My trust in the director was broken: They had committed the cardinal sin of wasting my time, and I was not going to let them waste any more.



I could give you a shot-by-shot breakdown of how it happened, but dang, that would be boring.



Well, at least there's Constellation! That had some cool space station business.



2 out of 10 fuzzy fx shots up.



Thanksgiving (2023)



The origin story of this movie is pretty amusing. It's the only movie I know of where the trailer for the movie came out 16 years beforehand.



It's a slasher film joined smartly with a whodunit, as most good slasher films are, and it has enough red herrings to keep you happily distracted while the bodies pile up. It also gets incredibly gruesome. And despite the trailer being as old as the iPhone, the screenplay incorporates modern social media gracefully. Almost all horror films these days pretend that smartphones don't exist, or just give up and set their stories in the previous century, or in some apocalyptic future, or some isolated seaside town, or a colony of luddites, because smartphones disrupt so many of the classic tropes. This movie doesn't cover all the angles (why don't the kids use location sharing with each other?) but it does way better than most.



It would have been amazing to see in the theater, but I've had a hard time with theaters lately. The ticket prices just don't make sense any more, and the seats are all big easy-chair things that compete with your comfy chair at home but have the sad side-effect of separating you from all the other people in the crowd around you. And the crowd is, frankly, the only reason I would go to the theater! If I wanted a big screen and good sound and a comfy chair all by myself, I would just stay home!



A solid 7 "turkey" legs up.



Scream VI (2023)



I can't remember if I've seen all of these films, because they blend together. I know I got through the first two at least.



This one was meant to be a fresh take that would somehow reinvigorate the franchise. That's how it was advertised. But while the first couple of scenes were a nice self-contained twist on this ancient formula, everything after that was, frankly, pointless.



If you're interested in a fun throwback, go for the cheaper but much more playful "Totally Killer", or the much more up-to-the-minute "Bodies Bodies Bodies".



4 out of 10 masks covered in fake cartoon blood up.



Talk To Me (2023)



Here's another movie with a good hook: There's a severed hand, and if you grab it, you suddenly start channeling a dead person, but it's a different one each time. This bizarre prop somehow becomes a popular party trick among social-media obsessed teen partyers. Hijinks and maladjusted kid drama ensue.



The movie takes things in a more specific, character-focused direction, and ends up being a bit less clever than you wish it was, but what sticks with you afterward is the way it explores a very modern problem through the metaphor: Young people are foolishly inviting anonymous and very likely dangerous strangers to play a central role in their emotional lives, and it's sickly compelling, and also too woven into their social fabric to resist. There's a good reason this movie was a big hit with people born this century. They can relate, to a worrying degree.



7 out of 10 weird fake hands up.



The Last Voyage Of The Demeter (2023)



You know it's a doomed voyage, and you know why. The only mystery is in the order and nature of the deaths. The effects are good and the director keeps a tight control over his camera, but unfortunately there just isn't enough personality in the monstrous antagonist to keep things interesting.



It's not bad. It's crafted better than most of the things on this list. But a must-see? Meh.



5 out of 10 suspicious darting shadows up.



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